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Monday, September 17, 2007

Tales To Admonish # 28

So I was at this party Saturday and I'm outside hanging out when I hear two people, a guy and a girl, talking about the Transformers Movie so naturally I'm all "totally. And another thing..." followed by an introduction of my esteemed self. We start talking, to which I discover the girl, whose cute, reads comics so I decide its time to test the nature of the relationship between her and her male companion by making some well-placed crack about how they make a cute couple and she's all "noooooo, not even, nuh uh, never. we're just friends."

A'ight, a'ight. Let's do this!

We start talking and she's all convinced that Alan Moore is a satanist and I'm no, girl, he's a wiccan or quite possibly a warlock(maybe both!), I can't remember correctly and really, you should read Promethea because its good, even for all the magical wankery. And I'm cracking jokes and she's laughing and does that thing where a girl touches your arm that gets you thinking things like "I'm so gonna score a mad fat make out sesh in the bathroom before the night's over!" and keep on with my bad ass self. I mean, a cute girl that likes comics AND my idiotic jokes? That's like rolling a natural twenty.

We chat some more and its all good in the hood, y'all until she mentions how she really wants to read the copy of Lost Girls that her boyfrie-WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!?! Boy-friend!??!?! "Whatever you want to call him. Its complicated." Indeed it is, sister. Especially with a Bee Eff that bought Lost Girls. But N E WAYS I need some more water, because see, I'm the designated driver and therefore I have to drink lots of water in order to maintain some kind of illusion that we're all here for the same thing which is to consume beverages, so I'm gonna go and get me some more water and quite possibly some chips right before I stop in at the john. I'll brb so we can continue this nice friendly chat. Upon removing me from the situation, my friend is all "Dude, I came out to say what up but I saw you talking to that cute girl and she's kind of red head too, so maybe what they say about red head's being extinct by 2025 isn't really true, thanks to the pimping efforts of the Spencer D. Carnage!!! Yeah!!! High five to Propagating the Ginger Species!!!!!!"

Yeah, ummm...no. she's got a boyfriend. She also mentioned that she has crippling social anxiety except when she's drinking. Nexties! And what was nexties, you ask? Nexties was a girl that I started talking to about Broken Social Scene that had MILD potential despite not being a fan of the comics however she stunk up the bathroom right before it was my turn to use it so I nixed that shit. At a party. In LA. Who does THAT?! Plus, she was kind of lame, but whatevs.

I don't know about you, but my life in general is way more interesting when there isn't some uppity girlfriend and/or wife in the way, damaging the fundamental nature of my character. I find that I become a much more entertain read.

Next issue: Spencer tries to sleep with not one, but two 19 year college girls with the same name! And whose that on the cover of the local free newspaper? Its Secret Wars! Also, the villiany of the Mortgage Industry.....REVEALED!!!!


John said...

That makes no sense at all.. Did you tell her you have a blog? A comics blog?

pachoob said...

did you tell her your comics blog is way bigger than other guys' blogs? and that you're hella sensitive?

Matt said...

Oh, Spense. You're like the zany neighbor on (insert sitcom here).


Spencer Carnage said...

Yes. Yes. Oh hell yes. Yes. *sniff* And thank you. I think.

See, I could have just done what this other guy did, which was just keep putting the moves on her drunk ass until she had no choice but to give in, however I instead chose to sit in the corner and brood, Wolverine style. I was hoping she would get the reference and denounce all other men only to get brutally slaughtered two nights later by one of my many arch-enemies.

I don't think she got it, though.

Jason said...

She may have, run by her house and see if she's stuffed in the fridge. If she is, you'll know she's "the one". Or at least "was".

You should totally make this into a mini-comic and then staple it to her door. She'll totally like you then.

Good to have you back.

Jon Hex said...

The Friendly Neighborhood Spencer is back!

And hitting on drunk chicks! Classic!

pachoob said...

what the fuck, spencer? i want to hear about 19 year old girls, immediately.

Spencer Carnage said...

Thanks, Jason. And I don't know how much I'll be around, seeing how I'm totally boring when it comes to non-comics, but I'll try.

And Pachoob, my friend. No such luck yet. I'm actively MyStalking but I have yet to upgrade to full on creeper status. When it happens, you'll be the first one to know.

Ryan said...

still waiting on the college girls there, spencey-wencey.

Seriously though, start blogging again. I mean it.

Spencer Carnage said...

Its good to know that I'm still loved.

Seriously, though, thanks. I got a post in my head that's bouncing around, I just need to sit down and do it. And right now, blogging is low on that list of things to do.

As for the college girls, one showed up to a Halloween party I had, dressed up as Batgirl. I'm sure you can imagine what happened after that.

Ryan said...

I can only imagine it's one of the few things that makes Uatu his job..

Amanda C said...
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