"Y'all should be lucky we let you have big boobs in our little boys club!"However, there's been little penis envy(Just kidding!) over there as of late, so I figured I'd get my run-on sentence.......on.
First off, I can blog. Last time I posted, I was under the impression that the jobbie job had managed to curtail it and decided to lament that loss by posting a picture of Speedball's cat. A few days latter, I found me a workaround and my semi-hilarious hi jinxs could continue. Whilst working up a post about the Mad Thinker's appearance in New Warriors # 3, I discovered I can't post pictures. And really, what's a blog post without pictures? That's like a comic without word balloons! GI Joe # 21 I am not. The homefront sports Dial Up which I've been working on fixing for quite some time, but I put a hippy in charge of that months ago and we're STILL waiting 5 minutes to get a dial tone.
Now that I can blog, what is there to blog about? Ah, the eternal question. Some would(and have) said, "blog about what you love!" however my feelings are a promiscuious mistress with many lovers to its bosom that if we were oblige them all, it would be a blog about ADD. Then again, that's not really all that different from the format, now is it. Some of the subjects that have crossed my mind as of late are really just fanfic in nature and really, what is fanfic if it doesn't involve some slash in there some where. Why bore you with my ramblings of why we need to cut the crap with all this temporally displaced mutants still hanging around the X-Universe and how these characters from the far flung future are still tying us to the past, making it hard for us as X-men readers to move on, if that fanficish rambling doesn't involve some mutant-on-mutant love between Cable and Bishop? And I don't know if I have those kind of stones for that. Hear, let's give it a shot:
"It just so hard sometimes," Cable said with a soft tear coming down from his one remaining human eye. Looking at the picture of his father, Scott Summers, with the women who his own mother was cloned from, Jean Grey, together on their wedding day was heart wrenching. From a war torn future that may come to be, Nathan Summers had endured many injuries in his life time. The scars remained, but what of those injuries of which would never heal? What of his own broken heart? "Being from the future, its almost as if I'm not allowed to cry. I'm not allowed to show my emotions. Almost as if they've been outlawed much like mutants have in The Days Of Future Past."See? Don't you want more? Reading Cable and Bishop slash is like cyber jocking in the not-so-distant future! You get so addicted that you can't unplug and when you do, its only because there's an AI that's taken a liking that strange and fascinating piece of data that some punk traded to you for some good ICE and the AI's goons are at your door and its time to RUN, RUN, RUN. All idiotic metaphors aside, how could I turn down the responsibility that has been thrust into my hands?
"Don't worry, my temporarily displaced friend," Bishop said as he clutched Cable's shoulder pad. "Although we come from a time much more complicated than the one we live in now, where we battled day in and day out, its still ok for us to cry from time to time. No one understands the lives we have lived but you and I, Cable."
"I'm a raging ball of mutant emotion..." Cable whimpered as he turned and hugged his fellow X-man.
"Its ok, Askani-son" said Bishop as he embraced his fellow X-men. "Let me absorb your sadness."
I'm sorry folks, but I can't write that Bishop and Cable slash. And what I can write, which amounts to nothing more than a 4 issue pitch about how we finally can rid of Cable, Bishop, and Rachel Summers for once and for all(don't worry, one of them lives on in the Exiles, jumping from What If? to What If?) and move on, you don't want to read it. You need to get your perv on somewhere else.
The other things that I want to blog about require my amateurish photoshop skills and right now, I'm either too lazy or too busy. U Decide!
I'm a blogging mess right now, but onward and upward we go!
Whose pissed about Dragon Head going online exclusive!? Well, who isn't really.....but whose ALSO pissed? Me, I guess, but not really, but yeah I kind of am. Purchasing them online isn't THAT big of a hassle. And it really is ok that my money is not going to my local comic book shop. Its quite alright that I get to miss out on that little bit of conversation that I have with the local comic shop over the new Dragon Head, a book THEY turned me on to. Maybe Tokyo Pop has a customer service Bot that can hopefully supplement the whole process that goes into buying Dragon Head:
SpencerDidYrMom: What's up, man. How you doing?As awesome as that sounds, it will never compare to the time when my favorite LCS Employee, Darron, accidentally slipped up and called me a "homo" instead of "homeboy" in front of his boss and two lesbians. Sorry, Tokyo Pop, but this one gets a thumbs DOWN from me.
TPop CS Rep: I'M GREAT, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: The new Dragon Head is out? Hells yeah, bro. I want it!
TPop CS Rep: THAT'LL BE $9.95 PLUS $1.95 FOR SHIPPING AND HANDLING. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: Nah, I'm kewl, I guess. Did you hear about what Mark Millar said this week on his message board? Talk about lame.
TPop CS Rep: GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOUR PURCHASE. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: You don't have that Exterminators do you?
TPop CS Rep: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO RECOMMEND SOME OF OUR OTHER TITLES? MAYBE SORCEROR HUNTERS? OR HOW ABOUT NECK AND NECK? I HEAR ITS QUITE GOOD.
SpencerDidYrMom: Hey, wait a second. This isn't a comic shop. Why am I talking to a smarty-arty computer that thinks its a person? I hate smarty-arty computers that think they're people!
TPop CS Rep: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: Can you provide me with intimate knowledge of your products in addition to the witty banter that I come to expect from local comic shop?
TPop CS Rep: GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOUR PURCHASE. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom signed off
TPop CS Rep: THANK YOU AND HAVE A GREAT DAY :)
Despite all that bitching, Yes, I'll still buy Dragon Head online, because DUDE, THEY'RE ON THE SURFACE AND EVERYTHING IS CRAZY!!!?!
The Spider Jerusalem Award for the best blurb in journalism. I'm sure this was linked somewhere, probably on Warren Ellis's home page, but I don't want to get fired from my job, so I don't check his page out all that much. Oh, and I'm still a little pissed about your high and mighty Apparat line that didn't do much for generating interest in non-superhero comics other than you just complaining the same old complaint we've all heard before. Yes, it sucks that Nurse comics used to be all the rage way back when, but writing an essay about it in the back of your 4 crime/action/cellphone-diatribe-comics doesn't really do much for trying to change the fact that Nurse comics aren't all the rage today.
Speaking of technology, everyone needs to stop saying "Internets" when you're referring to the Internet. Its not funny nor clever and really, you sound like my dad trying to say "nizzle" except you don't look like Robin Williams.
How have you been spending your Civil War Ceasefire?
Sure, there's the few tie-in books coming out which aren't all that bad, but really, tie-in or no, there's a whole in your heart that can only be filled by Civil War # 4. How have you filled it?
Me, I went back and reread Street Angel. Wow. That is one fine piece of comic book goodness. Its got everything! Ninja Revisionist History! Skateboarding! Globe Dominating Mad Scientists! Blaxploitation! Dumpster Diving! An eating contest between a squid and a 12 year old kid! My favorite was when the scene in issue one where she takes out all the ninjas on the top floor of Dr. Pangea's lair only to finish the scene up with a panel of Street Angel standing over the dead bodies, thinking "Where's my shoe?" Take what is a staple in action comics of the lone, triumphant warrior, bloodied and bruised, but not beaten, standing over a cadre of dead *insert your favorite henchmen type here* and turn it on its head by adding that little thought balloon.....pure genius. Street Angel is a comic that will have your co-workers looking at you sideways with your answer to their "So what are you reading?" question.
Also, I just read the Dark Phoenix saga in TPB form. As a dedicated Marvel fan, its almost sacrilege that I have never sat myself down and read this piece of Marvel History. Most of what I know about the Marvel U comes from roleplaying. Pouring over sourcebooks, rule manuals and OHTMU styled character books has provided me with a lot of second hand knowledge. Over the years, I've put faces to names and climatic battles to character history texts. Now I understand fully the importance of the Phoenix and what she did to the X-men. I knew Jean Grey had some crazy ass powers and even read the subsequent reappearance of the Phoenix as of late. I understand how powerful her Shift Y flight is and how far across the universe it can take her, but I never quite witnessed until I saw her open up a space warp with sheer will power alone. The humanity of the situation was known to me, but I never felt it until I saw the Recorder seeking some kind of answers from the Watcher as to the nature of the moral dilemma the X-men faced in those final moments.
In essence, I am complete.
Oh, I finally read Animal Man: Origin Of The Species and Flex Mentallo too. The first was good, but no where are good as Flex. Yeah, that was fantastic. Thanks for making me feel stupid for reading super hero comics, Grant, ya big jerk!
Other than that, I'm a little spent. If we're lucky, we'll get a little posting on this weekend that debunks that whole "Spider-man is the everyman hero that allows me to escape from the horrors of the world by pretending I'm him with his problems AND his powers" myth. Essentially, you're not escaping hard enough.
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