I H8 U CORPORATE AMERICA

Why can't I find the new Annuals CD anywhere? Does it not exist? Has it magically disappeared into limbo, suffering in purgatory forever and ever? What of my purgatory? Why must I be denied what is probably one of the most talked about debut CDs of 2006?

To put it nicely, Corporate Music Chains are ruining my miserable little life right now. Its like trying to find a copy of Kupperman's Tales Designed To Thrizzle at my local comic shop. They tried to order it to no avail. And now, my OTHER obsession, has proved to be quite just as frustrating. I could have stolen it online in a move that is partially responsible for the lack of the mom and pop music store in the general vicinity. Tower Records would of had it in stock, but they've been bought out, with all their assets being moved in a liquidating sale that makes navigating the aisles a wee bit nauseating. There's the whole online routine, but damn it, its nice to walk into a store with specific items consciously floating around the brain and walk out with that Prince CD that was subconsciously staking my buying habits out.

Annuals debut album, Be He Me, was set to be released to the world at large on October 17th, 2006. Spencer D. Carnage journeyed forth to find this CD, buy it, and listen the fuck out to it. Starting this trek at high noon, he found himself wandering through the automatic doors of Best Buy just down the street from his hamlet of employment. Passing by the Raptures, TV On The Radios, and Between The Buried And Mes, it was only minutes before a painful realization was made: That shit ain't here, son. With his resolve high, the young knight pressed onward. Next stop, Borders. In this literary land of book nerds and magazine aficionados, he casually made note of the ever shrinking section devoted to the graphic novella and headed upstairs. "Do you have the Annuals CD?" Met with rejection, he wondered back down and back on to his mighty stead, the UnCivic. With only 25 minutes to finish histask, he sped on over to Fry's. Things were starting to look desperate. Fighting off the dizzying spell that uber-huge electronic stores seem to have on those inside their walls, it was with great luck that the Gods Above did not instil our protagonist with a huge, muscular frame because he was within seconds of choke slamming the closest thing resembling a manager while uttering a blood curdling scream of "WHY!?" as loud as humanly possible. Defeated, Spencer Carnage made his way back to work.

With work over(and that idiotic attempt at framing this story in a manner befit for Dungeon Masters), I rushed over to the Wherehouse back in Simi Valley where I live. "Its not Tower, but its better than Best Buy." Right? That's a logical assumption, correct? Every store I had visited on my lunch break all had copies of Arcade Fire and Animal Collective, two bands that are well within the genre that the Annuals thrive in. Wherehouse has GOT to have this CD. Uh uh. Next, we try another Borders. Nope, still no luck. With band practice only an hour away, my options are limited. But wait! Remember when I couldn't find the new Broken Social Scene in the Best Buy in Oxnard, but found crap loads at the Best Buy in Thousand Oaks?! Guess where I went next? And guess who didn't have it?

At this time, I'm a defeated man, stylishly smoking a cigarette underneath a street light in the Best Buy parking lot in hopes of showing the world my pain... MY FRUSTRATION. While driving home in blind rage at Corporate America's inability to provide me with one CD, I actually uttered the words "My Kingdom for a CD!" Tony had called me while I was driving to my last chance attempt at being a consumer for the day, inviting me over for vegetarian chili dogs. Let me tell you, if Tony and his wife Lyssa invite you over for food, you go. At Tony and Lyssa's house, your french fries come with its own little cup of ketchup. Any where else, they give you a squeeze bottle that you have to pass around the table like you were at Denny's. I'm guessing that they're vegetarian chili dog jamboree came complete with some fancy, homemade salad I ain't never seen before, lots of cheese, and a free beer. All that and you get to dance with their 2 year old daughter Reilly to songs about choo choo trains! Do you see the madness that overtook me on my quest for this CD?

At this point, I'm ready to start calling Urban Outfitters to see if they got it. That's just desperate. According to their website, they're all about Tv On The Radio, but I'm sorry, BRO, I don't want to Return To Cookie Mountain, I wanna Be He Me. And while we're at it, I'll pass on the Future Sexy Sounds and the Anti-Antis, but I might, I MIGHT be tempted to pick up the new Rapture if its playing over your loud speakers and gets my toe tapping while I look at jackets that will raise my Douchebaggery Rating by 2 points. But do they even have it in your store? Apparently not, but I'm hoping that this is some fly under the radar shit that got thrown in the box with their Junior Boys and whatever else they need to restock ytheir shelves with. I'd just drive my ass out to Amoeba after work if I wasn't in Psychology class tonight trying to find a way to classify and catalogue this newfound obsession with Annuals. At the earliest, I'll have a cure for this fever by Thursday. However, if you see the headline "Amoeba Vs. An Angry Ginger. Next time, just buy online" on Fark.com on Friday morning, you can start calling dibs on my comic book collection, which includes the seminal runs of New Warriors 1-25 and Phantom Guard 1-6.

My original intent was pretty this post with covers from selected Marvel Annuals so that the rest of you that don't care for the trivial matters of my non-comic book buying life could have something to look at, but Blogger doesn't want to let me do things like that on this computer