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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What I want for Christmas


The Ion Portable Turntable

ION has created the world’s first USB turntable allowing you to convert your old vinyl collection directly to CD or MP3 with the included recording software. (NO SPECIAL DRIVERS NEEDED).
Finally! I can take my crappy record collection and turn it into a crappy MP3 or CD collection! It has been probably 3 or 4 years since I had a record player. My dad gave me his old one and it eventually just died. Its death however came at the same time that my interest in obscure indy screamo emo hardcore music dwindled. My musical tastes shifted from bands that you could only locate through going through record distros at punk rock shows, distribution websites like Stick Figure Distro and the old school Sky Lab Auction site(before they sold out!) to bands you could probably buy at Tower. In my case, download from Soulseek. An old roommate had a record player that I would occassionally use whenever I was doing chores, but that was the extent of it.

But times are a changing. Much like the beloved super hero Soap Opera comics that have found some weird place in my heart, what is old is new again. I was rocking some Indian Summer discography the other day. Grade's "And Such Is Progress" always seems to make it into the CD player at least once a season. Last week, I bought a Calm 7 inch at a Secret Wars/Glass And Ashes show. Got me a fuck ton of other records that I haven't even touched, but sure would like to listen to. The few shows I make it to, there's always a record or two that I see and say "Dayum. If only I had a record player." Now I can! And it can record MP3s!

Enter: The Girlfriend.

We're doing some holiday shopping at the T.O. mall and we swagger on into Urban Outfitters. I buy my roommate a beanie for Christmas and spot the Ion Portable Turntable while waiting in line. Recalling a phone conversation between myself and my friend Sam, who told me about the a record player they were selling at Urban Outfitters and how his work discount could get me 25% off on it. At the time, I was like, cool, and didn't think much about it. Now that I'm looking at it and see that it can convert your records into MP3s, I'm fucking thrilled. I tell the Girlfriend, she looks at it and is like, cool. After sleeping on it, I decide that she must know that I need this record player and tell her the next night how much I want want want her to give this to me for Christmas.

"You don't even have that many records."
What? I got like 20 to 30 LPs and probably 50 some odd 7 inches. Now I can buy MORE.

"You can just download them."
Sure, when I find some idiot on Soulseek who took the time and effort that was required to rip your records BEFORE this new technology came about. How about you just buy this and let me be that idiot.

"You don't have room for it."
Room, my ass. I can make room. Sorry, Kingdom Come and Mini-Mate toys. You're gonna have to find another place to look all dope.

"You probably wouldn't even use it."
So what? I bought you a silk screen kit and you've used that once. Don't see me jumping down your throat about how many times you have or have not used it. Its your present. Its your life. Do whatever you like with it.

"Just seems so novelty."
Novelty? You know what's Novelty? Blythe Dolls. But when I finally give you that $100+ doll tonight that was on back order for God knows how long and watch you get all girl excited about it while the word "cute" spews forth from your mouth like Oil from an Exxon oil tanker, the last thing I'm going to do is put out the idea of how impractical an over-priced doll is that just sits on your shelf.

"I want to get you something more practical."
Find me a girlfriend that buys me what I want. That would be more practical.

It went on and on and on to the point where I was almost half-tempted to leave her house in a huff. In my anger and frustration, I was blind to one obvious fact: she already has something in mind for me. Whatever it is(an iPod Nano), I will love and cherish it like everything else she has given me. And when Christmas is over, I will call Sam and take advantage of that 25% employee discount that he be subject, too.

5 comments:

kelvingreen said...

That is a nifty bit of kit indeed. I think I only own one record however, so it would be of no use to me.

I'm very glad that your missus is unlikely to ever buy a gift for me. I can't stand "practical" presents. I want the fun stuff!

Spencer Carnage said...

I know! Its Christmas! I told her if she wants to buy me something practical, buy me a new dresser or something equally not as fun.

Tony said...

The two of you are nuts. You want some crappy record player and she's trying to talk you out of it cause she's already working on getting you this hot shot expensive present and you're pissed? Don't believe the hype. Gifts are about the giver, not the receiver. When somebody gets you something, or wants to get you something, you're supposed to be gracious about it, not complain that it's not what you really wanted.

kelvingreen said...

No sir, you are nuts. Gifts are about the gift, and the gift needs to be cool as All Heck.

Sod the giver. I'd take a gift from Dubya, Satan or Whichever Bastard Invented Celery as long as it was a good gift.

There really is no limit to my shallowness.

Spencer Carnage said...

Don't listen to Tony, Kelvin. He's just mad because I've been whooping his ass at Vs. lately.