Marvel Solicitations for March

Well, since I'm here and Newsrama has the solicitations up for Marvel Comics that are coming out in March, I figured....what the fuck, huh? Let's take a look at a few that caught my eye for one reason or another..


Now what the hell is up with Hulk's hand around Iron Man's neck? I am a horrible artist and I can totally draw the Hulk choking Iron Man with more talent that Mr. Nord is showing here. Seriously, what the shit are we looking at?


That guy on the right is the Ultimate version of Stryfe, right? I bet you take off his mask and he looks all fuggin' bad azz like this:


Kirkman is the one writing this comic, right? So I'm not all that far off.




March is a bad month for Spider-man covers. And that's fucking Phil Jiminez and Tony Harris that you're looking at, being all shitty and what not.


This cover makes me want to go back and play some Rifts. You know, dust off my old Tattooed True Atlantean Glitter Boy pilot and take on some Coalition SAMAS in the radioactive ruins of Old Minnesota with nothing but a Juicer Merc and D-Bee Ley Line Walker backing my shit up. If roleplaying games have their say, the future is gonna be awesome. Know what I'm sayin'!?


So Captain Marvel is back and apparently Wolverine or D-Man are making an appearance in the last issue of a mini-series that I MIGHT try to convince a friend to buy so I can borrow it 12 months after the fact. Or should I just skip it altogether? Its hard to decide when it comes to CAPTAIN MARVEL.


Hitch sucks now. Proof? Ultimates Volume Two. This picture is probably the best I have seen of his FF work, but the rest of it is just one big ugly mess of realistic super hero crap.



Bagley, you traitorous son of a bitch! Not even an New Warriors cover before you leave? 'Tis heresy!


Anyone following this? Read the first issue and decided to wait for the trade. Is it good? Bad? Does it help you lure indie comic reading hipster girls into bed?


Have they revealed who Night Thrasher is yet? If so, please spoil it for me. Or at least spoil what the message boards are guessing who it is. Cuz in this picture, its looking like some jack ass of a honky and NOT my man, Dwayne Taylor.


Dude. Know why you're all sad, Nova? Because you're dicking around in space when you really should be back on Earth, banging a hot ass Atlantean babe named Namorita and giving Speedball noogies. But nooooooooooo..... someone had to go into space while the rest of the Warriors were playing grab ass with explosive villians in Connecticut, causing people like me to turn my back on comics forever(12-18 months tops!)...

Thanks a lot, Rich Ryder!

And that's all I got for right now. There are a bunch of other covers with X-men standing around all bad ass and She-Hulk punching stuff while her big ol' boobs make your mouth salivate. The usual.

Soon...

Tales To Admonish # 28

So I was at this party Saturday and I'm outside hanging out when I hear two people, a guy and a girl, talking about the Transformers Movie so naturally I'm all "totally. And another thing..." followed by an introduction of my esteemed self. We start talking, to which I discover the girl, whose cute, reads comics so I decide its time to test the nature of the relationship between her and her male companion by making some well-placed crack about how they make a cute couple and she's all "noooooo, not even, nuh uh, never. we're just friends."

A'ight, a'ight. Let's do this!

We start talking and she's all convinced that Alan Moore is a satanist and I'm no, girl, he's a wiccan or quite possibly a warlock(maybe both!), I can't remember correctly and really, you should read Promethea because its good, even for all the magical wankery. And I'm cracking jokes and she's laughing and does that thing where a girl touches your arm that gets you thinking things like "I'm so gonna score a mad fat make out sesh in the bathroom before the night's over!" and keep on with my bad ass self. I mean, a cute girl that likes comics AND my idiotic jokes? That's like rolling a natural twenty.

We chat some more and its all good in the hood, y'all until she mentions how she really wants to read the copy of Lost Girls that her boyfrie-WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!?! Boy-friend!??!?! "Whatever you want to call him. Its complicated." Indeed it is, sister. Especially with a Bee Eff that bought Lost Girls. But N E WAYS I need some more water, because see, I'm the designated driver and therefore I have to drink lots of water in order to maintain some kind of illusion that we're all here for the same thing which is to consume beverages, so I'm gonna go and get me some more water and quite possibly some chips right before I stop in at the john. I'll brb so we can continue this nice friendly chat. Upon removing me from the situation, my friend is all "Dude, I came out to say what up but I saw you talking to that cute girl and she's kind of red head too, so maybe what they say about red head's being extinct by 2025 isn't really true, thanks to the pimping efforts of the Spencer D. Carnage!!! Yeah!!! High five to Propagating the Ginger Species!!!!!!"

Yeah, ummm...no. she's got a boyfriend. She also mentioned that she has crippling social anxiety except when she's drinking. Nexties! And what was nexties, you ask? Nexties was a girl that I started talking to about Broken Social Scene that had MILD potential despite not being a fan of the comics however she stunk up the bathroom right before it was my turn to use it so I nixed that shit. At a party. In LA. Who does THAT?! Plus, she was kind of lame, but whatevs.

I don't know about you, but my life in general is way more interesting when there isn't some uppity girlfriend and/or wife in the way, damaging the fundamental nature of my character. I find that I become a much more entertain read.

Next issue: Spencer tries to sleep with not one, but two 19 year college girls with the same name! And whose that on the cover of the local free newspaper? Its Secret Wars! Also, the villiany of the Mortgage Industry.....REVEALED!!!!

Do you still think of me?

I've been gone. I'm sorry. Don't think that I have forgotten about all of you because I have not. Whenever I pass by a large group of strangers, I stop and think.....some where in that crowd there could be a lurker of Of Course, Yeah! That man with the Ice Cream Cone.....did he enjoy my review of House Of M # 7? That woman with the baby stroller....did she link my Night Thrasher = Badical post to wikipedia? And that forlorn teenage boy in the back with the hat....am I on HIS blogroll? I have not given up on you so don't give up on me. I'm just in a DSL-less, work-filtered world is all. Oh, and comics and I broke up, too.

It started as a little tiff over something stupid. You know how it goes. It starts with the nitpicking that goes into bickering, followed by a full blown knock down drag out fight that ends with you picking your copies of the Watchmen and X-tinction Agenda trades up off of the street. It was all Iron Fist's fault, really. Trying to reconcile Marvel's use of his old costume in New Avengers to his newer costume in his own solo book seemed like a harmless conversation. A little nitpicky yes, but so what. Sure enough, the topic of where the first 6 issues of Iron Fist take place in relation to the New Avengers book itself came up and that always gets ugly. Throw in World War Hulk into the mix and the next thing you know, there's furniture being aggressively moved from its designated place. We kissed and made up, of course, but I was already flipping through old trades from other companies. It was only when my comics caught me looking through the DC Solicitations that the decision was final. Comics and I had to call it quits. Being a broke ass loser doesn't really help the situation, either. Dating comics can be expensive as I'm sure you all know. As you read this, you might think that everything's going great between you and comics, but when this economy turns and you have to start tightening your belt, comics is long gone before you can even say "Excelsior!" (Whore.)

But its okay. I've been managing. With Comics out of the picture, the Band and I have decided that maybe its time that we become more than just friends. Lately, we've been spending a lot of time together. Just went to Vegas last friday. That's twice in one month! We were supposed to spend saturday night in Tahoe, but we had to cancel last minute. Its been fun. The Band likes to drink a lot so we've been hitting a lot of bars together. We've toasted to our bright future in just about every shitty dive bar from here in Ventura County all the way down to San Diego. Don't get me wrong, its not all sunshine and rainbows. There was a little incident with a certain "Sparky" but I tossed his ass and the Band and I were back on our merry way. Look, here are some pictures of Band and I hanging out. I'm one with the spirit fingers.





Aren't we just adorable together?

Really, though.

I'm way busy, son. Work, school and music. That's all I really do. I scaled back on buying comics just because of the money I've had to sink into gas, Taco Bell and tutition. I started a pull list in June only to cancel it in July. Playing the 20 to 30 some odd shows we had this past summer was rough on the wallet, especially when you're driving 2 hours one way, 2 or 3 nights a week. Throw on top of that the fall semester at school and I is brizzoke. So something had to give and that was me buying comics. Considering that I was feeling kind of so so about what was being put out, in addition to the number of times this past year I stopped buying them, it wasn't that big of a decision to make.

Now, normally I would have at least blogged about all this to keep you kids in the loop. I stare at a computer screen 8 hours a day, bored senseless, might as well get my blog on, right? Somewhere between May and July, the work place decided that Blogger was a "Social Networking and Personal Site" that needed to blocked. Therefore, it was. Don't worry, I still read your guys blogs, thanks to the trusty Bloglines. I just can't comment on them. And you're all doing a fine, fine job. I would blog from home, however I'm running the Dial Up right now. And why is that?

Well, DSL is not available in my neighborhood. Across the main street, you can get it, but on this side of Madera Road, never gonna get it, gonna get it! Cable Modem was an option, however we were getting our cable TV for free and signing up for Cable Modem meant having to start paying for the free TV as well. And once you start paying for the basic cable you've been stealing for 3 years, you might as well hook yo' self up with HBO, am I right? Now we're talking like $120 extra a month! In case you don't know, California is expensive. So instead of cutting into our drinking money, we just dealt with the dial up. And when you're on dial up, you just check your MySpace and then you're out because if you're going to be waiting 10 minutes for an image to load, its gonna be of pre-pubescent girls giving you the MySpace angles! (Don't act like you don't do it!) Not too long ago, I finally was all "f dis shizz!" and told the roomies that we gotta man up, because man.....there's a whole world of YouTube and BitTorrenting that lies right outside the door, we just don't have the right keys! And I want those keys! I bit the bullet, called the Cable Company and told them, yo dwag, we are ready to be your customers! I will pay for Rock Of Love and Man Vs Wild, just gimme that high speed cable! I had the day scheduled off of work and everything! Plus, I just gave up on comics! That's like an extra $75 a week!

But then the mortgage industry took a dump.

So help me Baby Jesus, if one of you overstated your income or signed up for a PayOption, only to foreclose 12 to 18 months later, I'm gonna come over to your newly rented apartment and piss all over your back issues of 52. Thanks to you, the economy's all messed the fugged up and I'm hanging in limbo, waiting for the Axe to drop in what will be the inevitable "down sizing." All in all, we is still on the Dial Up and I'm probably still not gonna do much blogging from home, because well......them MySpace photo comments on Tila Tequila's new profile pic ain't gonna add themselves!

So there is my long winded explanation as to why I haven't been blogging. But don't worry. I'll probably be losing my job here sometime this week and considering how GREAT the job market is here in Southern California right now, I'll have PLENTY of time to blag about whatevs. If anything, I can just scan old Thor comics and be like "ZOMG!!11 LOL!!111!!! HE SAID FORSOOTH!!!!11111!!!!! ROFLMAOKIZHABN!!!!!1111" That seems to work out great for some other folks. In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment and I'll definitely get back to yous. I appreciate the love I've gotten in the past few weeks which is what prompted me to write this. I'm sorry I don't have any opinion on New Warriors, Jon, but I'm pretty sure its continued its slow down hill decline. Or maybe not. Comment up in this Blog and let me know!

Until we meet again!

The Wolverine I Know And Love

Look at that.

Wolverine, stumbling home drunk, wearing a cowboy hat, and singing some stupid song to himself while smoking. Now there is a sight that I miss. Wait, we don't have a can opener for those beers, Wolverine! How we gonna fix THAT?!


Who knew Improvisation was one of Wolverine's mutant powers?

New Warriors # 2

Issue 2 is out and my hope for this series being decent is dwindling. And why is that?

OMG!!! SPOILERZ!!!

So far, two former mutants have already joined up with the New Warriors with a third one being courted. The lovable loser, Beak, from Grant Morrison's New X-men run and Jubilee. If you look hard enough, you could make argument for a possible 4th as the one shot of the full team shows a man with spiky hair and a scarf around his neck. The recently de-powered Chamber, perhaps? Its interesting to think that the mutants, or ex-mutants, would be so concerned with the Registration Act that haunts the Marvel U. I am inclined to guess that maybe the Registration Act mirrors the Mutant Registration Act all too well and if it is not stopped, the always looming menace of a Sentinel policed future is right around the corner. However, I find it hard for a bunch of Ex-mutants to be concerned about a future scenario that they have been blacklisted from. Grevioux can definitely pursue that angle, but I don't know if I'll be buying it. Another reason for the M-Day victims to take up the cause could be the simple reason of getting their powers back. The celebrity mutant life is a sexy one. Now that these characters are so last minute, they are latching on to the next best thing, which appears to be technology-powered super heroics. Feels like Vh1's Celebreality, really..

Idiotic metaphors aside, this book is still standing on the fence for me as a super hero comic. Having an unreasonable soft spot in my heart for Nicieza's and Bagley's work on the first volume, its safe to say that I'm probably going to be a little unfair. Its still light on the action, much like the first issue. Mystery abounds in regards to what these New Warriors are all about but none of it is particularly thrilling. And the detective work put into solving the mystery of the New Warriors by Wolverine comes in the form of deduction via putting his thumb up against a televised broadcast of one of the female Warriors in action. At this point, there's just a whole bunch of grand standing against the Registration with a little bit of "not being a mutant is hard" going on. A more hardline, in-your-face approach would do this book tremendous justice. By issue 2 of the first volume of New Warriors, they had already defeated Terrax and went up against a gang of thugs equipped with fancy AIM weaponry. This time around? The return of Jubilee.

Some where out there, a message board thread is rustling with cries of celebration. Thanks, Joe Q.

October Solicitations for Marvel Comics

So the October Solicitations are here courtesy of various different new sites and today we're going to look at a few covers that stuck for good and/or bad reasons. Its lazy blogging, but its all I got right now.

Let's begin!


< INTERNET OUTRAGE >OMG, WTFers!!!!! Pron swiping!!!!!?!< /INTERNET OUTRAGE >


There is this whole post inside of me about how they need to bring back the old school covers with kinds of crazy captions promising things that would never ever happen. Joe Quesada's name comes up no where in this prospective post. I think you can understand why.


This is the kind of cover that makes you hate the art inside because they most likely do not compare in the slighest.


I'm not much of a fan for modernized updates of classic stories, because they absolutely have no bearing on current continuity and if there's ever a reason to read Marvel Comics, its so I can go on about which superhero registering this week and who's sleeping with a skrull, but.....Eric Canete just might make me break that habit. Plus, Joe Casey. He's damn good as of late.


Ugh. That's all kinds of not-good. I'll take the cover with my dwag JRJR, thank you!


I'm boss-y! I'm the first girl to scream on a track! I switched up the beat of the drum! That's right i brought all the boys to the yard! And that's right, i'm the one that's tattooed on his arm!

I'm boss-y!


I think that Sean Phillips' talent is being put to great misuse with these stupid zombie books. Agree? Disagree? Comment below, suckas!


Have we finally out 90's the 90's? Yes, I do believe we have. By Mr. Bendis, no doubt. That is something, isn't it.


I was stoked for this when they announced it way back when. Having finally read some Jonathan Lethem and Farel Dalrymple in the interim, I'm twice oas stoked. Do people say that anymore, "stoked?" Or am I, like, totally showing my age? Is 28 old enough to start doing that?


God, I hope to heck that they don't bring back the 2nd version of Night Thrasher's armor with those 80's shoulder pads and ugly hockey mask helmet!

...

Why are you looking at me like that?



What's wrong with these two covers? Let's ask Speedball himself!


Say what you want, but New Warriors vol 1, issues 1 through 25 are the bible when it comes to doing Speedball right. If anything, they could have just shunted him over to Cable & Deadpoll and GLI, but no. Us Marvel fans have to be dumb about things like FUN.

Something is not quite right with us fans.


Stu-pid! I mean, really? Is this the best you can do, Mr. Silvestri?


Salvadore Larocca has greatly improved, IMO. I mean, even when she's all effed up, Storm is still rocking that ghetto booty. S'up, girl! Holla at yer boy!


I finally jumped on the bandwagon for this book. Great stuff. Who would of thought the Multiple Man would have been so damn interesting?




I'm digging on some Skottie Young lately. The dude's got illin' skills and he's funny, too! I think I'm man-crushing.




For some strange reason, I want to pick up New Excalibur and read it. Am I missing something? Is this flying under my radar? Am I so eager for Chris Claremont to be awesome again that I'll entertain notions of enjoying a book whose lead characters consist of Captain Britain, the Juggernaut and Dazzler?


The only David Lapham work I have read outside of Stray Bullets and Murder Me Dead is his Daredevil/Punisher work, which was absolutely fantastic. From what I've heard, some of his other stuff, specifically his DC work, not so much. I think I'll defer to the internet on this one before I dive in. I mean, if the internet was right about cats being hilarious, I'm sure they'll be spot on about this as well. Right?

And we'll finish this up by saying Criminal is a great comic book that deserves to be in your long box. 'Nuff said!

Just sayin'

I called dibs on coining the term "Skrullektra"! The proof is in the pudding, my friends. Google "Skrullektra" and check the dates. We can wait.

Looking at DC & Marvel, but through Octopi Eyes!

You remember how not too long ago I was all hating on comics for being crappy? Well, they're still mostly crappy, and thank god for that because without crappy comics I don't think any of us would ever have a reason to go online, but I'm finding my distaste for them going on a seasonal decline. Why? Beats the hell out of me, really. Since I won't have the funds until friday to purchase new vittles for my comic book reading appetite, I've been going through some old trades to get my jones on. I can't think of a better time and place than now to talk about them so let's do just that!


JSA: The Golden Age
As you all know, I am not what you call a 'DC Guy.' When I think of DC comics, I think of playing peanuckle with my grandma while sipping tea on lazy sunday afternoon. Its great and all, but I'd rather be doing other things. That's just me, though. The good thing about JSA: The Golden Age is that it is the DCU straying away from that middle-of-the-road super hero business and getting down and dirty with it. Its got that edginess laid out in front of you, but with a touch of class that usually escapes most Marvel comics. Using the Red Scare as a backdrop, James Robinson crafted a well thought out suspense thriller that works as a great send off to the bygone era of the 40's and 50's mystery men. Re-reading this makes me wish that there was a comic where Alan Scott punchs Hal Jordan AND Guy Gardner in their stomachs to show the world how sissy they really are when compared to the Tower Of A Man That Is Alan Scott The Original Green Lantern, big puffy sleaves and all. Alan Scott is the type of guy that will be 80+ years old, sitting in a wheelchair, talking about how he could whoop your uppity 20 something year old punk ass. And he probably would, too. Alan Scott is not one to be fussed with. When I first read this a year or two ago, it actually made me want to catch up on the JSA and see how things were going for them in the current DCU. Maybe one of these days I will. Until then, I can look at this Elseworlds Tale and say "Me and Hourman have something in common: we've both done drugs!" Not even reading Amazing Spider-man can make me say that. And that's something.


Fantastic Four: 1 2 3 4
The only FF comics I own are Civil War Tie-ins or are drawn by Mark Bagley. I like the FF, but I just haven't read the right FF story to get me completely hooked. I know, I know, apparently John Byrne is where its at with this book. Enough already. I got this trade because, well....its Grant Morrison and Jae frickin' Lee! And its gooooood. Dark, moody, and scary as all hell at points. Morrison takes one of the brightest, shiniest super hero teams and puts them up against the ropes while Lee illustrates it all for us to see in usual dark and moody style, which works out great to accent to the feeling of DOOM hanging over our heroes' heads. Through the eyes of Grant Morrison, you get a real sense of what makes these characters tick. Its a psychological thriller that only lets up when the good guys finally beat on the bad guy. Its not enough to make want to buy everything FF yesterday, but it helps push me in the right direction.


Kingdom Come
I don't know what's so bad about Alex Ross. Sure, he's all antiquated in ways regarding the DCU and the only new changes that he acknowledges are those that lean towards the ones we see made in Kingdom Come, but brothers and sisters.....the dude can paint. And sure, sometimes the painting comes off as stiff and doesn't explode at you from the page like a Kirby panel would, but that's 90% of the guys working in the industry right now. Regardless, y'all got your opinions and I got mine. Let's move on, shall we?

I like Kingdom Come because I like Alternate Futures. They're fun. Its always interesting to see what time can do to our beloved heroes and villians. What do you think Spider-man's gonna be like when he's older? Let's go to the future and see! You ever think Wolverine will just keep on living while the rest of the X-men die, and if so, will he be all emo sad about it? Let's go to the future and see! Now I can agree with you that most stories that jump forward in time are usually piles of crap. But we're talking about super hero comics here. They're all usually are just big piles of crap. Knocking the premise just because a writer doesn't know what to do with it is unfair and childish.

What Kingdom Come is, is a love letter to DC. Apparently DC has a lot comics that function on this same kind of level, its just that Kingdom Come is doing it like Woah. Kingdom Come works so well as a love letter from Mark Waid and Alex Ross to the DCU that, that love is so great and exponentially infecting that it even transferred itself on to me. That's right! Kingdom Come knocked a little bit of ice off of my cold, cold Marvel heart. I even gave my friend Ryan, a DC fan, a hug after reading this. Its interesting when you compare Kingdom Come to what's going on right now in the current DCU. Not that I'm reading a lot of DC comics, but by the look of things, its getting pretty bad. If I must say, its starting to look like Marvel comics stayed over for the weekend and left the DCU with nothing to show for it except a heaping dose of STDs. If the current issue of the Flash is a clear cut indicator of what DC is doing as a whole(which it seems it has been the past week), DC and Fun had themselves a little bit of a falling out. I thought One Year Later was our way of getting away from all that negativity, but it looks like they're still knee deep in it over there. Sorry, DC fans, but it seems that the Marvel way of doing things is so damn lucrative and appealing that the guys in charge are trying to steal our thunder! We're just better looking, is all! Don't believe me? Go check out the Bendis Board! Nothing but 20 to 30 something year old hotties posting about New Avengers and Veronica Mars! LOL!

8 things

I just got tagged! Twice! If this was a prayer chain email for some kid in Memphis with cancer, you both would be marked as spammers! Since this is a meme where I talk about me, s'all good in the hood, G.

First things first:

- I have to post these rules before I start.
- I have to tell you eight facts about myself.
- I have to tag eight people to participate.
- I'm supposed to leave a comment telling them they're tagged and to read my blog.
- And the tagees need to write their own blog post, telling us eight things and posting the rules.

Let's do it to it..

"What up, Spiggs."

I have all kinds of stupid nick names. Spiggs. Spiggity. Spence-diggity. Splinter. Speenis. Ol' Dirty Spencer. ODS. Spencedizzle my nizzle. Spencer Con Carne. The Redheaded Stepchild. Howdy Doody. Spencer Carnage is a play off of my last name which I jokingly gave to myself one night when I was skateboarding with my friend Tony. 8 years later, I use it to blog. About comic books.

"Hi. We're Cain Marko from Simi Valley and this song is called Stab Their Eyes."

I have played in a string of really bad bands with equally bad names taken from various pop culture references. Band names I have used are "The Decepticons", "Eeyore", "Cain Marko" and now "Secret Wars." One of those bands covered Body Count's Cop Killer. If I ever get around to starting a sissy rock band, it'll probably be called something like "Westchester, NY."

"Do you work for Fed Ex? Cuz you got a nice package."

I was onced "pranked" on an episode of Girls Behaving Badly by a girlfriend who sent me on my day off to pick up some tickets for the Weakerthans from a friend of hers. While waiting outside a store this "friend" worked at, an old lady with a walker dropped her purse, which I immediately picked up for her. When I bent over to pick it up, she started hitting on me, commenting on my butt and "package." Her grand daughter(played by Shondrella Avery, known to the world at large as LaFawnduh from Napoleon Dynamite) than came up and started berating me about the conversation her Grannie and I just had. Still holding the purse, I just kept saying "I'm just trying to give her back her purse." At that point it was obvious that the "grandmother" was a younger woman wearing a wig, however I was completely baffled as to what was really going on and could only repeat the phrase "I'm just trying to give her back her purse" over and over Seconds later, cameras came out from every where and everyone said 'you've been pranked!' After that, they had me reshoot my reactions, complete with improv dancing and everything. The girlfriend and I both got paid 50 bucks each. I have never seen the episode myself but my friend did and he said I was awesome on it. It was probably one of the most surreal experiences I have ever had.

"Fail!"

I didn't graduated high school on time. Why? Because I ditched! A whole lot! What was I doing when I was ditching? Skateboarding, drinking, and playing the Wildstorm CCG game. In the 12th grade. True story. In a panic, I approached the two classes that I was really messing up in and asked how I could pass. They said to show up for the finals and pass and you're okay. I was going to, however I slept in the day of the final because I went to see my absolute favorite band, AVAIL, play 2 hours away the night before. And you wonder why I like edgey Marvel comics over my dad's DC drivel? Its because I'm all effed up!

"That's supposed to look like Spider-man?"

I'm semi-artistically inclined. My whole life, I've been able to draw. Not very well. Had I nurtured the skill at an early age, I'd could of been the next Rob Liefeld, selling Lee Jeans to your ass right now. Instead, I wasted most of my life getting drunk and reading comics, picking up the pencil for 1 to 2 hours every six months. I have taken a few art classes at the community college level, but could never muster up the drive to do anything outside of the assigned work. Last summer, I told myself that I am going to have a comic out within the next five years with my name on it, one way or another. Putting my free time that I have at work to good use, I have burned through a few books on penciling and inking by Klaus Jansen and Dick Giordiano, and the semi-decent collection of Drawing Tips from various pros that Wizard puts out. Right now, I'm working through Joe Kubert's Superheroes: Joe Kubert's Wonderful World Of Comics. I understand that one has to draw from real life, which I do on occassion, these books really just help me to learn basic rules as well as different ways of solving problems such as "how am I gonna draw this nose?" To show my newfound dedication to drawing, I even set up an art table in my room to be used at night and on weekends. It currently functions as a makeshift table, drowning in clothes and comic books. At this point, the best picture I have managed to draw is one of the Swamp Thing hanging out with a cat, which was inspired by a post from Mike Sterling's Progressive Ruin about that exact same thing.

"Cheaters never prosper"

I once plagarized the introduction to the section devoted to Greek Gods in the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Legends & Lore handbook for a paper on mythology in high school. Needless to say, I got an A.

"Sorry, dude can't do it. Gotta mandate with Tony tonight."

When we were 19 or 20, my best friend Tony and I would go on what we called "mandates." That's were two guy friends go out together, doing things that you would normally do on a date. Except, we were single and sore at girls so it was just us hanging out with each other. It all started when Tony, a film student, asked me to go to some art house theater to watch Akira Kurosawa's Ran with him. Usually we would also go to some kind of fancy vegetarian restaurant that we had never been to as well. This was the kind of invitation that was open to the rest of our friends, but most of them being home bodies, decided not to go. After a few times of asking everyone, we gave up on them and it turned into a Tony-And-Spencer thing. Much of LA was discovered by these mandates that we went on. Another variation on the mandate is the masterdate; that's when you go to dinner and see a movie all by yourself. You should try it sometimes. Its practically the only way to insure that you don't miss the previews.

"You mean the semester started last week??"

I once showed up a week late for a semester at my local community college, a fact that was discovered only when I asked the teacher in front of the whole class about when were going to get the syllabus. And by "once" I mean yesterday.

With that out of the way, I now tag Jon Hex, Carla, Pachoob, Earth-2 Leigh, Brian Hughes, David Brothers, Chad, and Gorjus!

New Warriors # 1

I finally got around to reading New Warriors # 1 which is a book that I did not want to miss. And why is that? Because I'm a huge fan of the original 25 issues of New Warriors. I became a fan in the 5th grade when a friend let me read his copy of issue # 1. This series was the first 4 color super hero team book I really sank my teeth into. Other books I was reading at the time were heavily tied to my love for 80's action movies and cartoons, such as Punisher and G.I. Joe, or featured a solo character such as Amazing Spider-man. The first team book I got into was Uncanny X-men (which I jumped on around issue # 270) however the tone of Uncanny X-men at the time was more serious and sometimes darker then the standard super hero fare. Magneto was issues away from killing Zaladane in the Savage Land; Wolverine, Jubilee & Psylocke had just fought off the Mandarin, mind control and a cadre of Hand ninjas in Madripoor; Dazzler was stalked by an obsessive fan; the mutant hating nation of Genosha had just kidnapped Xavier's students, which resulted in one of their deaths. This era of X-men stories were extremely well crafted, so much that they are partially responsible for the "sophisicated, written for the big screen" type comics that dominant the current comic book landscape, however they lacked the one thing that New Warriors excelled at and helped to turn me on to: good old fashion super hero fun.

Issue # 1 of this current New Warriors series by Kevin Grevioux and Paco Medina doesn't have that same sense of super heroics that Fabian Nicieza and Mark Bagley's original series did. Where the original New Warriors comics were at most times easy going and fun, this version of the New Warriors seems to forgo the light hearted nature of its predecessor and takes up a completely new agenda of its own which seems to only be saying "F You" to Tony Stark and the Registration. The only real light moment that comes up in this issue is the flirtation between Sofia and a young male customer who frequents the dinner she works at. Unfortunately, it suffers from the same poor dialogue that affects most teen characters in a medium that is mostly curated by middle aged men, a flaw that Nicieza himself, in my opinion, never really suffered from. Other than that, the rest of the book deals with the agenda at hand.

We start up with a glimpse of the New Warriors in action, chasing and catching a villian, only to leave him tied up with a message for both the super-villian community and the authorities in charge: Consider yourself warned. A sub plot is dangled in front of us, involving some NY police detectives that will be no doubt on the case of these New Warriors. We get a look inside the head of our lead character, Sofia, a former New Mutant by the name of Wind Dancer that lost her powers in the Decimation that came from House Of M. The recruitment process for Sofia starts off with a series of mysterious messages from an unknown party that ends with her being led into the Base Of Operations of the New Warriors. Night Thrasher, a former New Warriors, is re-introduced in a cliff hanger ending, leading us to question whether not he is somehow back from the explosion that killed him in Civil War # 1 or his suit is being worn by someone else. Its an interesting introduction to a new series, but its obviously far from over. We're still missing some members from the roster and its safe to say that we're 5 issues away from the obligatory "Woah, Buddy!" moment that solidifies every new super hero team's line up and mission purpose.

This isn't a comic book for new readers. Its a comic book for the fans of the New Warriors and Captain America's anti-Registration side, a demographic that is by its very nature is specific and narrow. Any complaints of the issue being "new reader unfriendly" really miss the point. This is for those Marvel fans that are intimately familiar with what has happened in the past two years of Marvel's publishing schedule, giving them a chance to see some kind of possible redemption for story lines that they are unhappy with. A mutant who was depowered due to Scarlet Witch's "No More Mutants" is given both the character, and all 5 of her fans, a second chance. The New Warriors are brought back to life, turning them from mere cannon fodder into the ones that are now manning the cannons. And they're pointing them directly at Stark Tower. The banner that was dropped by the anti-Registration's side at the end of Civil War is being picked right back up and turned into guerilla-styled tactics and subversive slogans painted on city walls to give voice to protest. The war is over but the revolution lives on...

Its not the worse book out there. It is nice to think of this being the book that echoes our own sentiments towards the outcome of Civil War. At some point, one of the lead characters will undoubtfully being wearing a 'Cap Was Right' t-shirt. Soon enough, we will see our New Warriors going toe to toe with Iron Man & Co. giving a select few of us that strange moment of escapist fantasy where our favorite D-Lister gets to smack Mr. Stark a good one for being such a prick. The only difference from New Warriors and the other comics that feature characters with dissenting voices against the Pro-Registration side such as Nova or the New Avengers is that the whole crux of this foray in escapism is very much dependent on the current state of things. What happens when that status quo changes? When the Post Civil War Marvel U. reverts back into the Plain Ol' Marvel U, a character like Nova can just fly back into space and pick up where the past decade of Marvel publishing has left off. And the New Avengers have Spider-man and Wolverine. What will be left for the New Warriors to do once there is no more Fascist Tony Stark to get them all riled up? Is there a Fugazi in the future for the Marvel U's Minor Threat?

Probably not. When this series gets cancelled, we'll be left with the same small group of dedicated New Warriors fans, begging blogging for a return to a time when Kickflip 5-0s to Haymakers ruled, Speedball was a fun, lovable loser, and Namorita was a shining example of a female super hero done right. Until then, we can be content with a group of nobodies telling Tony Stark to go $#&@ himself.

Some rants inspired by the Marvel Solicitations for September 2007

Every now and then, about once a month, 12 times a year, all year long, Marvel likes to give us "fanboys" a sneak peek into what's coming out. The recent solicitations brought up something that I felt the need to kick around out in the open with the hope that I might understand this insular world that I have embraced to the inner core of my being.

One thing I don't get? Fans that get burned about the sudden stream of comic book appearances of a character due to that said character being featured up in a next big super hero blockbuster movie. The new crop of Silver Surfer related projects and appearances is what got me thinking in this direction. You dudes just get hella burnt, you do.

News of the black suit making its appearance in Spider-man 3 and everyone is all "sighs" and whines. Its funny because the people making these kind of remarks are mostly DC fans. As if the idea of Marvel trying to get some extra dollars by indirectly tieing in some of their comic books to their corresponding movies really turns your screw. However, when DC puts out a Silver Age collection of classic Brainac stories around the same time the latest Superman movie comes out in which Brainac is the feature villian, everyone is all "These stories are blowing mind! Yippie skippy!" Not trying to stir things up, its just an observation. Marvel fans get like that, too. Recently at New Joe Fridays, someone had to question Marvel's reasoning behind the Back In Black storyline. You almost feel like the Powers That Be have to apologize for the forthcoming movies editorializing the comics. Don't know about you, but it seems the way to run a business is to capitalize upon any kind of success and milk it for all its worth. When you're done with that, slap a variant cover on that summabitch!

Also, while we're vaguely on the subject of new solicitations....anyone notice a lack of the Black Panther title being solicited? Has it been canceled and I just missed it? If it was officially canceled, I imagine there would have been a nice little storm of thinly veiled racism and the subsequent commentary making its way across my screen. Until now, nothing yet.

Heroes Con & WW Philly: Wrap it up!

Last post I was talking about doing a run down of this past weekend with all news from Heroes Con and WW Philly, separating most of the crap into their related editorial camps. One post, we talk about all things X. The next post, its WWH-related! Well, that was an idiotic idea because of the things they announced, I don't really give a damn about most of them, so....

I'll ramble while you read, alright? Okay.

Out of the Spider-man related announcements, the most interesting one is the cancellation of all the ancillary Spidey titles and making Amazing Spider-man a title that comes out three times a month. You sneaky bastards, Marvel Comics....making us fans buy Friendly Neighborhood and Sensational when we only want to read Amazing....just prey on our completist tendencies, why don'cha! Heaven forbid there should be a gap in my collection where Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa's not so great Spidey story takes place for the month! What are they going to do next?! Put Wolverine and Spider-man in every comic so that I have no choice put to buy them all!?!

That would be sheer fucking madness!

And can we stop talking about how a married Spider-man screws up the character? Go read Kraven's Last Hunt to get an idea of what a married Spider-man should be like. The idea that a bunch of 40+ year old men sitting around huge tables at creator summits and discussing ways to make Peter Parker single again in order to recapture that soap opera element that the book had when they were all kids is sad and depressing and will only lead to God awful stories that no one wants to read. Step away from the Retcon button and just deal with the fact that Spider-man has to swing to the super market every now and then to pick up some feminine products for MJ. Okay? Thank you.

Did you catch that part about how there's a Brian K. Vaughan and Eduardo Risso Wolverine Mini coming out? I would love to see an Eduardo Risso Wolverine. And Brian K. Vaughan just might give us back the Wolverine that we all deserve. Its only a mini, but damn, it'll probably all kinds of great.

Let's talk about Skrulls! Just read New Avengers # 31 and it wasn't all that bad. Bringing Jessica Jones and the baby into the mix like that seems pretty stupid, but its too soon to really say. At this panel, Bendis fields the usual stupid comics that a story like this will raise. Me, I just want a good story. Bendis is capable of those from time to time, so here's to hoping that this current path we're on does not give me ulcers.

The one announcement that Bendis did NOT make was the eradication of his catty ass thought balloons in Mighty Avengers. Hopefully by San Diego Comic-Con, we'll get that announcement along with a formal apology and coupons to redeem for re-lettered versions of those Mighty Avengers comics that don't have Ms. Marvel and Iron Man thinking like morons when they're not talking. They can either mail them to my house or send them in e-coupon form. I'm not picky.

Then there is the news of the X-Crossover, called The Messiah Complex. I imagine Magneto will be back yet again and everyone will be all "Dang!" to which Magneto replies "s'right!" and then fighting ensues alongside some parallels to how the X-men represent the struggles of the oppressed people in the real world. Why you gotta make me feel all bad for being a white privileged suburban male, huh X-men comics? Can't I just read about sexy mutants going all stabby and blasty and mental mind reading without having to feel like some jerk? Gosh!

Yeah, this will probably be another huge mess, but apparently that is what's for sale in today's world of mainstream super hero comics. Enjoy yourselves!

Heroes Con & WW Philly: Mondo Marvel & More

The Summer Con season is in full swing, with both Heroes Con and Wizard World Philly going on this weekend at the same time. Since I am one of Marvel's six blogs, I have decided that its time to start acting like one by posting my idiotic commentary alongside the new announcements. To make things easy, I'll divide it up into different posts based upon editorial camps and what not, starting with basic Marvel stuff.

Are you ready for some hard hitting in your face bloggery?! If the answer is "No!", please click here. If the answer is "Hell yes, brother! Bring the pain!" then continue on....

All in all, things don't look so bad. And believe you me, there is no one more upset about that than myself. Why? Because I'm never really happy with comics unless they're pissing me off!

• Captain America being written by the guy who created Rambo is only flawed by the fact that the comic itself doesn't actually STAR John Rambo, but we can just pretend that's whose under the mask, right?


• Even though I only read the Nova mini and issue 1 of Annihilation, I am curious to see what the spin-offs will read like. That Star Lord cover is mega-spiffy in its Jin-Rohesque beauty.


• And this I'm excited about. We get an Iron Fist annual which is proper because that title itself is the best super heroish book on the shelves. According to the cover which you can see to your right, it looks like its going to continue the grand tradition of being amazing.


• I really like the cover for New Avengers # 34 because it hints at some crazy alternate universe story, which I always enjoy. Hell, as bad as House Of M was, I kind of dug it. The premise rocked despite all the glaring problems with the story.


• We get a Penance mini-series which I'm sure we could all do without. Unless he's getting his balls back, I could care less for Penance. Nova I like. Don't worry, buddy. I'm going to pick up those two issues I missed when I make it the comic shop this weekend. Don't think I've forgotten about you. Is that Gamora holding his head? And is it okay if I'm slightly aroused by scantily clad space babes? Wait, no, that's not right. Its sexy zombie teenage girls that's got us frat boys all riled up. Thank you, Internet. Don't know what kind of sick fetish I would be chasing this week without you.

And then there's the new Marvel Comics Presents. You know that snazzy car that looks hella hot and drives gnarly fast that the protagonist drives in the 2nd The Fast & Furious movie? This is the comic book version of it. Its a mother fraggin' sports car of a comic book that's gonna race off of the racks, right at your ass, so you best get out of the way or else you gonna get run over! And quite frankly, I don't think that some of you could handle that.

Yeah, I'm not too sure what that's supposed to mean other than this comic looks HOT!

• But dayuuuuuuuuuuuum....that Hellcat looks absolutely splendid. I can't think of anyone else that could do a better job with the character. Writing a comic book with your significant other sounds like it could be dangerous. Does Mrs. Immonen get all "we gonna have the big finish gone down like this or else you'll drawing your little boy comics in the dog house, Mister!"...? Because she totally could. Us men are like silly putty in your hands, women. That's why we oppress you with our comics so much.


• I like Khoi Pham's depiction of the Captain America-copied kick that Taskmaster is delivering to that S.H.I.E.L.D. flunky. It kind of makes me wish that I was at home alone on a lazy saturday afternoon, air-fighting imaginary ninja foes.


• Seeing names like Josh Fialkov, Barry Kitson, B. Clay Moore and Lee Weeks attached to this makes me happy. And Christos Gage, too. He's growing on me, that one.


• Even the Weird multi-verse Spidey doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Especially since it'll probably only be 5 to 10 pages at time for an issue or three. I'm on board. If I ever get a pull started, this book is definitely going to be on it.

If they could Sam Kieth and Rob Liefeld drawing dudes like Longshot and Deathlok, it would buy 5 copies, but I get them CGC graded and shot up into space to insure nothing would ever happen to them that would cause them to lose value! Ok, that wasn't right. Sam Kieth is actually awesome even if he draw some funky Wolverine action back in the old MCP.

Even though this is more X-men related, they talked about it today so I'll just lump it in. The Angel: Revelations mini-series.

Er, uh....what? I, um.....I'm not going to read this when it comes out therefore this will probably be the first and last time I ever blog about an Angel mini-series at all. As a matter of fact, I could quite possibly be commenting on YOUR blog about how unsmart you are for wasting everyone else's time with your review of issue # 3 when it comes out. While we're on the subject of useless mini-series, let's pitch some that could be of equal importance and probably not worthy of anyone's reading time:

Paste Pot Pete: Unglued!
Captain Ultra Happy Fun Time Romancing Love
Erik & Charles: The College Years
What about Frogman?
Rom The Spaceknight: You got your wish. Can you stop bugging us now?

And that's all we have to say about Angel: Revelations and all of the other exciting announcements and preview art we've seen so far. Next, we'll talk about Spider-man. By next I mean probably on Monday or Tuesday!