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Monday, September 17, 2007

Tales To Admonish # 28

So I was at this party Saturday and I'm outside hanging out when I hear two people, a guy and a girl, talking about the Transformers Movie so naturally I'm all "totally. And another thing..." followed by an introduction of my esteemed self. We start talking, to which I discover the girl, whose cute, reads comics so I decide its time to test the nature of the relationship between her and her male companion by making some well-placed crack about how they make a cute couple and she's all "noooooo, not even, nuh uh, never. we're just friends."

A'ight, a'ight. Let's do this!

We start talking and she's all convinced that Alan Moore is a satanist and I'm no, girl, he's a wiccan or quite possibly a warlock(maybe both!), I can't remember correctly and really, you should read Promethea because its good, even for all the magical wankery. And I'm cracking jokes and she's laughing and does that thing where a girl touches your arm that gets you thinking things like "I'm so gonna score a mad fat make out sesh in the bathroom before the night's over!" and keep on with my bad ass self. I mean, a cute girl that likes comics AND my idiotic jokes? That's like rolling a natural twenty.

We chat some more and its all good in the hood, y'all until she mentions how she really wants to read the copy of Lost Girls that her boyfrie-WAIT, WHAT?!?!?!?! Boy-friend!??!?! "Whatever you want to call him. Its complicated." Indeed it is, sister. Especially with a Bee Eff that bought Lost Girls. But N E WAYS I need some more water, because see, I'm the designated driver and therefore I have to drink lots of water in order to maintain some kind of illusion that we're all here for the same thing which is to consume beverages, so I'm gonna go and get me some more water and quite possibly some chips right before I stop in at the john. I'll brb so we can continue this nice friendly chat. Upon removing me from the situation, my friend is all "Dude, I came out to say what up but I saw you talking to that cute girl and she's kind of red head too, so maybe what they say about red head's being extinct by 2025 isn't really true, thanks to the pimping efforts of the Spencer D. Carnage!!! Yeah!!! High five to Propagating the Ginger Species!!!!!!"

Yeah, ummm...no. she's got a boyfriend. She also mentioned that she has crippling social anxiety except when she's drinking. Nexties! And what was nexties, you ask? Nexties was a girl that I started talking to about Broken Social Scene that had MILD potential despite not being a fan of the comics however she stunk up the bathroom right before it was my turn to use it so I nixed that shit. At a party. In LA. Who does THAT?! Plus, she was kind of lame, but whatevs.

I don't know about you, but my life in general is way more interesting when there isn't some uppity girlfriend and/or wife in the way, damaging the fundamental nature of my character. I find that I become a much more entertain read.

Next issue: Spencer tries to sleep with not one, but two 19 year college girls with the same name! And whose that on the cover of the local free newspaper? Its Secret Wars! Also, the villiany of the Mortgage Industry.....REVEALED!!!!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Do you still think of me?

I've been gone. I'm sorry. Don't think that I have forgotten about all of you because I have not. Whenever I pass by a large group of strangers, I stop and think.....some where in that crowd there could be a lurker of Of Course, Yeah! That man with the Ice Cream Cone.....did he enjoy my review of House Of M # 7? That woman with the baby stroller....did she link my Night Thrasher = Badical post to wikipedia? And that forlorn teenage boy in the back with the hat....am I on HIS blogroll? I have not given up on you so don't give up on me. I'm just in a DSL-less, work-filtered world is all. Oh, and comics and I broke up, too.

It started as a little tiff over something stupid. You know how it goes. It starts with the nitpicking that goes into bickering, followed by a full blown knock down drag out fight that ends with you picking your copies of the Watchmen and X-tinction Agenda trades up off of the street. It was all Iron Fist's fault, really. Trying to reconcile Marvel's use of his old costume in New Avengers to his newer costume in his own solo book seemed like a harmless conversation. A little nitpicky yes, but so what. Sure enough, the topic of where the first 6 issues of Iron Fist take place in relation to the New Avengers book itself came up and that always gets ugly. Throw in World War Hulk into the mix and the next thing you know, there's furniture being aggressively moved from its designated place. We kissed and made up, of course, but I was already flipping through old trades from other companies. It was only when my comics caught me looking through the DC Solicitations that the decision was final. Comics and I had to call it quits. Being a broke ass loser doesn't really help the situation, either. Dating comics can be expensive as I'm sure you all know. As you read this, you might think that everything's going great between you and comics, but when this economy turns and you have to start tightening your belt, comics is long gone before you can even say "Excelsior!" (Whore.)

But its okay. I've been managing. With Comics out of the picture, the Band and I have decided that maybe its time that we become more than just friends. Lately, we've been spending a lot of time together. Just went to Vegas last friday. That's twice in one month! We were supposed to spend saturday night in Tahoe, but we had to cancel last minute. Its been fun. The Band likes to drink a lot so we've been hitting a lot of bars together. We've toasted to our bright future in just about every shitty dive bar from here in Ventura County all the way down to San Diego. Don't get me wrong, its not all sunshine and rainbows. There was a little incident with a certain "Sparky" but I tossed his ass and the Band and I were back on our merry way. Look, here are some pictures of Band and I hanging out. I'm one with the spirit fingers.

Aren't we just adorable together?

Really, though.

I'm way busy, son. Work, school and music. That's all I really do. I scaled back on buying comics just because of the money I've had to sink into gas, Taco Bell and tutition. I started a pull list in June only to cancel it in July. Playing the 20 to 30 some odd shows we had this past summer was rough on the wallet, especially when you're driving 2 hours one way, 2 or 3 nights a week. Throw on top of that the fall semester at school and I is brizzoke. So something had to give and that was me buying comics. Considering that I was feeling kind of so so about what was being put out, in addition to the number of times this past year I stopped buying them, it wasn't that big of a decision to make.

Now, normally I would have at least blogged about all this to keep you kids in the loop. I stare at a computer screen 8 hours a day, bored senseless, might as well get my blog on, right? Somewhere between May and July, the work place decided that Blogger was a "Social Networking and Personal Site" that needed to blocked. Therefore, it was. Don't worry, I still read your guys blogs, thanks to the trusty Bloglines. I just can't comment on them. And you're all doing a fine, fine job. I would blog from home, however I'm running the Dial Up right now. And why is that?

Well, DSL is not available in my neighborhood. Across the main street, you can get it, but on this side of Madera Road, never gonna get it, gonna get it! Cable Modem was an option, however we were getting our cable TV for free and signing up for Cable Modem meant having to start paying for the free TV as well. And once you start paying for the basic cable you've been stealing for 3 years, you might as well hook yo' self up with HBO, am I right? Now we're talking like $120 extra a month! In case you don't know, California is expensive. So instead of cutting into our drinking money, we just dealt with the dial up. And when you're on dial up, you just check your MySpace and then you're out because if you're going to be waiting 10 minutes for an image to load, its gonna be of pre-pubescent girls giving you the MySpace angles! (Don't act like you don't do it!) Not too long ago, I finally was all "f dis shizz!" and told the roomies that we gotta man up, because man.....there's a whole world of YouTube and BitTorrenting that lies right outside the door, we just don't have the right keys! And I want those keys! I bit the bullet, called the Cable Company and told them, yo dwag, we are ready to be your customers! I will pay for Rock Of Love and Man Vs Wild, just gimme that high speed cable! I had the day scheduled off of work and everything! Plus, I just gave up on comics! That's like an extra $75 a week!

But then the mortgage industry took a dump.

So help me Baby Jesus, if one of you overstated your income or signed up for a PayOption, only to foreclose 12 to 18 months later, I'm gonna come over to your newly rented apartment and piss all over your back issues of 52. Thanks to you, the economy's all messed the fugged up and I'm hanging in limbo, waiting for the Axe to drop in what will be the inevitable "down sizing." All in all, we is still on the Dial Up and I'm probably still not gonna do much blogging from home, because well......them MySpace photo comments on Tila Tequila's new profile pic ain't gonna add themselves!

So there is my long winded explanation as to why I haven't been blogging. But don't worry. I'll probably be losing my job here sometime this week and considering how GREAT the job market is here in Southern California right now, I'll have PLENTY of time to blag about whatevs. If anything, I can just scan old Thor comics and be like "ZOMG!!11 LOL!!111!!! HE SAID FORSOOTH!!!!11111!!!!! ROFLMAOKIZHABN!!!!!1111" That seems to work out great for some other folks. In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment and I'll definitely get back to yous. I appreciate the love I've gotten in the past few weeks which is what prompted me to write this. I'm sorry I don't have any opinion on New Warriors, Jon, but I'm pretty sure its continued its slow down hill decline. Or maybe not. Comment up in this Blog and let me know!

Until we meet again!