Indestructible Art # 36

Co-host Ryan calls in sick, allowing for my good friend Tony to step in and help us out with the episode. Tony is wicked smart and super funny. Me, I am a rambling mess and I apologize to whoever has to listen to me say anything about everything. That said, everyone else did an excellent job discussing the past week of comic book and video game news. We also talked about Saga # 4 which we all love. And Tony schooled us all on what you need to do to get your kid to read comics. Hint: it involves just leaving them around the house for your kids to discover for themselves.

Listen and rate the show over at iTunes. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. If you do the last two, I promise we won't bug you as much as we could because we are the worst when it comes to social media.

Thanks!

Preview of Archer & Armstrong # 1

Archer & Armstrong #1 – Five Page Preview (Lettered)

I was going to do a wait-and-see on this book it but reading this five page preview made me realize how much I miss this comic. A cover by Barry Windsor-Smith would be a fantastic

Ed Brubaker leaves Captain America

Ed Brubaker talking with Tom Spurgeon over at The Comics Reporter, let us know that he's done with writing Captain America:

By the time this interview comes out, I will have written my last issue.

Is Captain America still good? From what I gleaned from the sidelines, it became mostly meh when Steve Rogers was killed. I do love me some Criminal which I have collected randomly in trade. The only thing that keeps me from having all of them is the fact that when I'm confronted by a bunch of Criminal trades at my local comic shop, I always forget which trades are the ones that I already own.

As Bleeding Cool points out, Brubaker leaving Captain America is by far the least most interesting discussion in the interview, as inevitable subject of Creator Rights and Before Watchmen rears its ugly head:

But the thing that really bugged me was when Watchmen was announced it was, coincidentally, that same summer the entire industry rallied around Jack Kirby against Marvel. It was the era of the “Creator’s Rights Revolution” and DC really used Watchmen at the time. Part of the PR was that it was creator-owned, that these guys would get this property back. DC used it to position themselves against Marvel as the more creator-friendly company. 

I was at the San Diego Comic-Con the year that Alan Moore was there. I saw him talk about Watchmen and what a revolutionary thing it was that they’d gotten this deal for it. Part of it felt like a promise to the industry that things were changing. That this was different. And so while the book never went out of print and they never got their ownership, I always felt that on some level Paul Levitz seemed to respect the spirit of the deal: that they had created this thing and while DC officially owned it, Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons had moral ownership of it, at least.

I really miss Paul Levitz.

I'm still here, friends. It's slow going when it comes to me sitting down and typing up how I feel about these comic books that have us by our heart strings, but don't think that I have forgotten.

I dropped $100 on an OVER-SIZED Moebius slip-cased hardcover the other day. I'm afraid to pull the shrink wrap off of it for fear of falling into a deep, dark place that'll take WEEKS for me to pull myself out of. To also further my street cred, I'm gonna brag / complain about how my book shelf broke the other night, crushing under the weight of Anders Nilsen's 658 page Big Questions, a Habibi hardcover, and a bunch of random issues of Giant Robot and Idn. If that isn't hardcore enough for you, then I can't do anything for you, my friend.

I'm still reading Avengers Vs. Xmen. How could I not? Avengers Vs. Xmen introduced us to the Cap Punch. Never before have so many talented creative minds come together to deliver something so blah. Thanks to the Cap Punch we can pinpoint the exact moment when we turned on our backs on the notion of this thing being any good.

And the Walking Dead. Am I the only one who thinks that Kirkman's writing, although technically proficient, is emotionally flat? 4 trades of my life given to that series and not once did I ever find myself caring for those people. The dramatic moments when a zombie attacks a character started to get boring and dull halfway through the 2nd trade. I really enjoy both Tony Moore and Charlie Adlard's work but they are not good at drawing zombie attacks. 


Sorry. The Walking Dead is uber-popular right now so I keep getting reminded of the $50+ spent on that series back in 2008.

You know what would be a good book? Remender and Opena on Astonishing Avengers. That would be a damn fine book.

Indestructible Art # 35

Another Tuesday, another episode of Indestructible Art. This episode is about rumors and things slipping between the cracks. And Batman # 10. It's a good episode. Give it a listen. We're on the Facebook and Twitter. Feel free to follow along.

Thanks.

Indestructible Art # 31

The first 4 trades of the Walking Dead comic were boring and a waste of money. Based on EVERYONE'S recommendation, I picked those books up sometime in 2006 or 2007. I bought them one at a time, over the course of a few months. After hearing everyone telling me to stick with it, I promise, its gets BETTER for three trades, I finally gave up after the 4th.

Kirkman mistakes drama for story and the Zombie genre is the absolute worst when it's not at its very best. At least for me. At 15 to 20 bucks a trade, the Walking Dead comic officially sucks.

Now the show. I like the show. WAY better than the comic. That show entertains the Hell out of me. But those comics? Bor-ring. Kirkman is a skilled writer but a Planetary or Y: The Last Man he has not.

In this week's episode of Indestructible Art I say something or other to this effect, much to the dismay of my co-host, Ryan Adams. We also talk about the ground-breaking news of Marvel's first gay wedding and DC re-introducing a well known hero or heroine as a gay character into the Nu 52, a new game from Double Fine called The Cave, and a couple other news tidbits from the past week. Blue Ear? How awesome is Marvel for doing that?

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Be a pal.

Comics? Still reading them.

Matt Kindt's MIND MGMT is a damn good. Much better than Jim McCann's Mind The Gap. Mind The Gap was GOOD but not great. MIND MGMT is great. You should read it.

Saga, too. Talk about an awesome book. Dismembered Ghosts. Robots. Lady spider assassins. Love, War, and Sex In Space. All narrated by a baby. Brian K. Vaughan blew up and now he's thanking us all for it by doing his version of The Wall.

Dancer by Nathan Edmondson, Nic Klein, and Jeff Powell is the pitch that gets movies made. A total page turner.

Avengers VS X-men? It's still happening, isn't it.

Batman Incorporated #1 did an excellent job of pushing the right kind of buttons. Can not wait to sit down with the trade and soak it up. After finally reading Flex Mentallo in full, Grant Morrison has become almost untouchable to me. I am fairly certain that I traveled through time when I read Flex Mentallo.

More good super hero comics in collected editions: Uncanny X-Force. That's how you do it. Everyone is a bad ass and you love it.

Hickman! Read that .1 issue of Fantastic Four and it was good! Secret? Manhattan Projects? Hickman is re-inventing and innovating comics in a universe that is all his own. Warren Ellis should watch his back.

What comics have you got excited about lately?

Indestructible Art # 30

Guys. Gals. I know you're out there, waiting with baited breathe, for an update here at Of Course, Yeah. I have been buying comics but I have also been too busy to write some stupid reviews.

One thing I did do was record another episode of Indestructible Art!

A few of the things we talk about:

• BioShock delayed!
• The First X-men teaser from last week!
• Playing Minecraft and how it's the fastest selling game on X-Box Live
• The Green Arrow coming to TV and how they are going to call it 'Arrow' (so dumb, I know)
• I also reviewed Mind The Gap and Dan: The Unharmable, along with a bunch of other stuff we talked about

Indestructible Art is a podcast where we talk about the video games and comics. Download it already!

We bought some proper microphones and now the audio is MILES better than previous episodes.  

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Indestructible Art, Ep 28

Another week brings us another episode of the Indestructible Art podcast. Some friends and I, we get together, we talk about video games and comic books, and it's completely awesome. Don't believe me?

Check it out.

Grant Morrison said that Batman was inherently gay. We discussed that. Nintendo reported a loss of 500 million trillion billion dollars. We discussed that, too. Someone (not me) bought an issue of Avengers vs. X-men: Vs and did not like it. We also discussed that. We also got down and talked about the use of story in video games, which ultimately lead to a small discussion on continuity in comics. All in all, a fun episode to make AND listen to.

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Indestructible Art, Ep 27

Hello, everybody!

I read some comics but instead of blogging about them, I recorded another episode of Indestructible Art with some friends and talked about them there.

Git some!

Indestructible Art is a podcast where we discuss the latest and greatest in video games and comic books. In this episode we talked about some of the books we read, like Avengers Vs. X-men & Saga, the recently announced Morrison-Con and DC's Trinity War, plus a bunch of stuff about video games I am a little clueless about. Fez sounds like an awesome game. You should play it. I should play it.

Doing the Indestructible Art podcast is a lot of fun because getting together to talk about games and comics, provides us the opportunity to also riff on all sorts of stuff like Kickstarter gone wrong and Gelatinous Cubes.

Like us on Facebook.

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And if you stick around HERE, you might actually get some more of my patented comic book criticism. Things have been busy all around but I'm still here, hating on the crappy comics that I can't stop buying.

I'm actually kind of dreading it.

Indestructible Art # 25

The past week has been a very busy one for me, hence the lack of the weekly review. Yes, I did buy Avengers Vs Xmen and yes I had some thoughts about it. If you are curious to HEAR what those thoughts are, you can listen to them on the Indestructible Art podcast. 

Since last I typed and you read, I have joined the Indestructible Art podcast which is hosted by two good friends of mine. On Indestructible Art, we discuss the latest in video game and comic book news, and talk about the games we played and the comics we read that week. 

Download it on iTunes.

Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/indestructibleart.

Follow us on Twitter at @PixelsToPanels.

Hell, follow me on Twitter, too, if you feel so inclined: @SpencerCarnage. I make no promises that anything I tweet will have anything to do with comics.

God willing, the mostly-weekly update of what I read will show up here in the next few days and we all breathe a little sigh of relief.

3/27/12 Reviews - AvsX, Avengers, Aquaman, Daredevil

The hits, they just keep on coming. Week # 2 in my return to buying funny books on a regular basis. Let's dive in and review some books because this is a blog about comics.

AVENGERS 24.1

I know this was the week that AvX # 0 came out and that's the only thing worth reading reviews about but all of us comic fans are slaves to continuity and making you read a review of AvX before Avengers 24.1 would make your brain explode with frothing, irrational rage and I'm trying to be better about that this time around. I am going to save that special Fanboy Rampage (RIP) for the actual comics.

Major Spoilers, I know, but the Vision is back. And that is not the same Vision from the Young Avengers. Nah, it's the original Vision, back from the grave, all existential on your ass about what it means to have been on, then shut off, then turned back on again. The Vision was never really alive, right? He's a super-powered computer shaped like a man who fell in love with the Chaos Magicks wielding mutant daughter of Magneto. There's nothing alive about that last statement at all. He was turned on, hung out for a bunch of years, only to get a virus and be subsequently shutdown by the android malware that was the Sensational She-Hulk way back when in Avengers Disassembled. Remember that? That was the beginning of an end that really hasn't stopped for a lot of us. 

The Vision. Once he was dead, now he's not. Welcome Back, Vision! 

When you're an android back from the dead, the first order of business is asking questions. You start with Tony Stark, move on to Magento, and then end with Captain America telling you to buck up, soldier, because today is not yesterday and all we have to look forward to is tomorrow. 

I wonder what it's like to write about costume wearing robots. Do you channel Arthur C. Clark or Philip K. Dick? These are the tough decisions facing modern day comic book storytelling. 

Also, Hawkeye and Spider-woman are trying navigate the turbulent seas of "hey, we've done it a few times and I kind of like you, are we together or what?" thing. That is always tough, especially when your dead wife is not so dead and hanging around somewhere. Then again, there probably was an issue where things were really complicated for Mockingbird and Clint needed to give her time to figure it all out. Knowing Jessica Drew, she most certainly moved in before the corpse was even warm. 

Trifling girls being all trifling.

AvsX # 1

It all begins here! The Avengers! Versus the X-men! In a knock-down, drag out fight that's sure to have you hanging by your seat, because really, EVERYTHING AFTER THIS WILL NOT BE THE SAME.

I know, I know. Dumb comic book blogger coming out of blogging retirement, and already, he's being a mouthy little SOB about the next big cross-over that he has not read yet. So typical, us comic fans. We are as predictable as the story lines that unfold before us.

The Avengers are going to fight the X-men because the Phoenix Force is rearing its ugly head in the Marvel U again and its next host is Hope, the first mutant born since M-Day who was whisked away into the future, grew up, and then came back. Also, Hope has red hair and the Phoenix Force is a sucker for red headed girls. And the Avengers are not okay with that. Actually, from reading this issue you would never guess that but this is a zero issue so it is okay if we skip over those little details. 

This isn't about establishing the why and when we are all gonna tussle. This issue is about setting up the stage for the major players of the storyline which are the Scarlet Witch and Hope. The Scarlet Witch is back and she's fighting MODOK because that's what you do when you are trying to sort out the kind of emotions that come with being the reason behind both Avengers Disassembled AND House Of M. Life is hard when you got a glowing va jay jay. Naturally, you find MODOK and throw some salt in his super-villain-y game. 

Ms. Marvel and Spider-woman show up, lend a hand, and take her back to the Avengers Mansion for a reunion that obviously goes bad when the Vision lets her know that she is not welcome. For a robot, that Vision sure is emotional. That is not what is important here, though. This part of the issue is about setting up the Scarlet Witch for her big comeback. At the end of all of this, Wanda will get her chance to save the world and rejoin her place alongside Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Brian Michael Bendis is leaving the Avengers franchise and it is only natural that he finally gives the Scarlet Witch her chance to redeem herself once and for all. 

I'm calling it. You probably did, too. The Scarlet Witch will save the day and everyone will rejoice and dance and do whatever else it is that we do when things like that happen in super-hero comics. 

Do you think anyone told the Vision that the first thing that Hawkeye did when he came back from the dead was sleep his wife? That Hawkeye; such a man-whore, he is.

That was only part one of AvsX # 0. Part two has Hope, getting all riled up and having one those fights that only happens so we can move the story along. It's a Mulligan Fight. Kind of like how Scarlet Witch fought MODOK. That didn't do anything but give the writer a reason for two Avengers to show up, fight, chat, and then bring her back to the Mansion in order for us to see the exchange between Wanda and the Vision. In this case, it's the Serpent Society robbing a bank and Hope shows up to stop them because she's moonlighting as San Francisco's vigilante. 

What we are really seeing is Hope, getting all angry, letting loose and showing her darker side so we can all say "man, she's got a temper and is a little off-the-chain with that unchecked aggression, I wonder what's gonna happen when she's possessed by the Phoenix Force? I should keep reading." It's all set up and it makes sense for a zero issue. These are the major players and they are all being put in their place for them to be so. 

Was it a good issue? Nope but the boobs are nice. That's what we're all here for, right?

Aquaman # 7

I know. Me, buying an Aquaman comic? I must have been high. 

I've heard stories that this New 52 Aquaman is uber-boss and that it's time for me to give this a try. I know that once upon a time I may have had it out with a certain DC blogger about Aquaman and how lame he was but at the ripe old age of 32 I'm fairly certain that anybody who shows up in a super-hero comic book wearing a costume is just as lame as Aquaman has ever been. 

I have been too far removed from all of this to have any preference. DC or Marvel, it's all white noise to me. My second week in a row buying weekly comics and it is tough to say whether things have gotten better or worse. Other than my hard-earned cash, there is no emotional investment in this for me. Do I like reading dramatic stories about men and women in capes punching each other while trying to save the day from the likes of Doctor Doom and Lex Luthor? Sure. I'm only human. Is it possible that those same super-hero comics are capable of delivering a story that actually says something beyond Spandex Man hits Professor Bad Guy? Of course. Is Aquaman # 7 the issue where that happens? Not really.

Aquaman and Aquawoman do just that and it's business as usual. Ancient relics from Atlantis are stolen, people die, and heroes go looking for answers. My ignorance towards all the above make it hard for this issue to stand out but being that this is issue # 7 in a series that came from a major retcon, it is possible that I'm 7 months too late. 

Either way, as a new reader, color me still emotional uninvested. 

Daredevil # 10

In my absense, I still paid a little attention. From what I heard, Mark Waid's Daredevil has been up to some good. Graves have been robbed. One of them belonged to Matt's dad, therefore Daredevil is on the case.

The art in this issue is great. Just great. And Daredevil, he goes toe-to-toe with Mole Man, which we get to see in a nice little fight between the two. For a second, you almost think that Mole Man is kind of a bad ass, going punch-for-punch with Daredevil. When it is all said and done, it is another fight amongst a million super-hero comic book fights. That's not what makes this issue intriguing but it helps. 

No, what makes this intriguing is the Daredevil who was dating the Black Cat and the machinations of villians like Megacrime and the Black Spectre. None of those names are familiar to me yet the little bits about them dropped in this issue, mostly revealed from a break-up letter from the Black Cat to Daredevil, are enough to make me want to pick up a trade or two. Good stuff, indeed.

---

Weekly comics: it's a wonder that I ever left you.

OMG, I bought some comics!

And now I'm going to blog about them on my blog that nobody reads.

So yes. Comics. Its been awhile. Well, not that long. I did pick up the first two issues of Wolverine and the X-men which were great. I really should pick up the rest. Instead of buying those, I bought these.

I know, I know. Justice League # 7? I must have been high. Anyhoo, let's get to talk about some comics, shall we?

Justice League # 7

So DC did a big ol' reboot and now we have all these books that are kicking around and Rob Liefeld is plotting three of them, up is down and cats and dogs are attending tea parties hosted by the mailman. Since I missed the bus on that whole first issue thing, I figured I would go with the next jumping-on point.

And that's good because this issue has Gene Ha on art which is a million times better than Jim Lee's superbly technical yet stiff pencil work. And that's not easy for me to say because I was raised on some Jim Lee. At one point, I had all of his issues of Uncanny X-men and Wildcats. Jim Lee was my boy for a long, long time. That dude can draw very well, for sure. Just not when it comes to side boob.

Not that it really matters but does not look right at all. And don't worry, its not only side boob that he has a problem with. Its super-crotch, too.

That right leg is sticking out, all stiff and wooden like. Doesn't look right. The composition on this whole thing is a little weird. Go see for yourself.

But Gene Ha? Fantastic. Go read Top Ten for some good Gene Ha art. This issue has some good Gene Ha art, too. Everyone's face look a little long and pointy-ish which is not something I remember from his Top Ten days but then again, those were some crazy days, amirite or amirite???!? High five, brah. The pointy faces are okay because it's Gene Ha and he can draw the Justice League for me any day. Personally, I would rather he draw another book because this comic was not so good.

Not that I have a horse in this race, but this is not a Justice League I can get behind. Green Lantern has gone from being the smug, arrogant hot dogging flyboy to an obnoxious douche who thinks he's funny when he's clearly not. Batman whining about property damage to the other Leaguers? Batman doesn't whine. He fucking reprimands your ass and then takes off back to Gotham to punch the Joker in his face for the 3rd time that week. At no point did I see Superman in a panel and get the sense that he's the greatest super hero that ever lived.

But this issue was not really about the Justice League. It was about Steve Trevor who thinks that threatening some senate sub-committee for prying into the lives of the Justice League is exactly what the World's Finest want him to be doing on his behalf. Its fairly obvious in this issue that this guy is having a tough time being the human liaison for the Justice League. Its like being friends with Brad Pitt.   When you're friends with Brad Pitt, all people ever want to talk to you about is Brad Pitt.

Does Brad Pitt eat cereal for breakfast? I eat cereal for breakfast. I wonder if we like the same kind of cereal. Oh man, can you ask for me the next time you're hanging out with Brad Pitt, what kind of cereal he eats? Thanks, person who is friends with Brad Pitt. You're the best.

I would get sick of that too.

Everyone in this comic sucked. Except for Wonder Woman. Even though her slight touch of tenderness towards Steve over Skype seems out of character for the Wonder Woman that lives in my head, it was actually the only part where I didn't feel like I was watching morons converse.

And tell my dad to stop trying to tap into our computer systems up here, whine whine whine.

Put a cork in it, Cyborg.

Uncanny X-men # 9

I read issues # 1 and 2 of this series. They weren't so good. For one, can we stop it with this "we need to be super heroes" take that's been kicking around the X-books for the past 10 years? Also, can we all stop trying to be Grant Morrison and start putting our own voice on these books? Whedon did a fantastic job of taking all of those lingering trails of Morrison's run and making it all feel a little more human. Mike Carey was the only guy good enough to run with all that New X-men weirdness and make it his own. But you, Mr. Gillen?

The Acute Reflection, freed of its Prism-Prison, creates refracted copies of its interdimensional Ur-Alien source to infest Central Vancouver. 

Following an X-Club suggestion, The Protector manages to recode the Voidian's weapons into a temporary Infinite Mirror Trap.

Morrison is getting royalty checks for this stuff, right?

In this issue the space prison that hovers above Earth at the S.W.O.R.D.'s headquarters get destroyed and bunch of aliens fall to earth, causing an "Extinction-Scale Event" and Cyclops gets his kitten back in the form of a "big mission" that he was pining for earlier in this issue.  The X-men go and beat up a bunch of aliens with the Avengers help and all is fine and well until Hope gets summoned away to recruit a new mutant. Oh wait, its a trap by one of the aliens! Interesting! Also, the Phoenix Force is back according to the preview of the forthcoming Avengers / X-men cross-over and its host is Hope because she has red hair . Everyone knows that the Phoenix Force is way into gingers.

I like this X-men line-up. It has Magneto and Namor, the Avenging Son. Colossus is the Juggernaut. Emma Frost is still super catty and dressing like a high class hooker. Magik is back. Gillen needs to leave and give this line-up to someone who knows how to write a decent X-book, ie something that reminds me of my childhood and my childhood only.

Super Crooks # 1

Mark Millar and Leinil Yu doing a book where the super villians leave America and go to Spain because there are no heroes there to beat them up. And yes, its exactly as bad as you expect it to be but it had been awhile since someone took a crap in my skull so I figured why not. Yu's art has gotten much better than I remember but that's not enough for me to stick around. Maybe with that one he does with Quietly? Definitely have to get that one. This one? Not so much.

Saga # 1

This is confusing and good so just get it. I wrote more but then this WYSIWYG editor deleted it and I'm about to jump off a building, I'm so upset, and blogging is hard so we'll just go with this:

2 cyber-thumbs up.

---

Man. That was a little painful for BOTH of us.

I'm fairly certain that there will be more of this kind of stuff because what's the internet for if I'm not on it, running my mouth about how much Brian Michael Bendis is ruining my life. Right?

Right.

Unquenched Consciousness

A blog exploring the work of Jean Giraud, aka Gir, aka Moebius.

A Moebius Tumblr blog. Moebius and Jodorowsky's Incal Deluxe HC Edition comes out on December 15 for $99. Sorry, kids. Looks like we have to cancel Christmas this year.

$21.95 worth of comics

It has been quite some time since I have been to a comic shop. The fictional landscapes that I used to visit on the weekly basis are now alien and appear to be impenetrable. What is this One More Day that Spider-man is having with Mary Jane? Didn't we already get past this? Two Batmans on the cover of Batman & Robin # 16? Unthinkable! Looking at all of the Shadowland tie-ins, one can only wish for things to return to a simpler time when EVERYONE knew what face was underneath that Daredevil mask.

Because it has been so long, it only makes sense that I do my best to get caught up as quick as I can with the Marvel Universe I left behind so long ago. This has resulted in me purchasing the following:

• Secret Avengers # 6 - $3.99
• The Amazing Spider-man # 648 - $3.99
• The New Avengers # 6 - $3.99
• The Invincible Ironman # 1 - $4.99
• Strange Tales II # 2 - $4.99

For $21.95 you get the Espionage Avengers teaming up with Shang Chi, a sub-par new-reader-friendly Spider-man story, the origin of Mandarin, Wolverine fighting a piece of jewelry and Strange Tales. Fraction and the indie comic alumni notwithstanding, things are exactly where they were when I left: mostly boring and drab and not really worth the price of admission. I could probably get these comics for free if I tried hard enough(so that I could keep with "MY" Universe, at the very least), but I am not sure that it's even worth the time or effort.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the Invincible Ironman Annual and Strange Tales, but damn, I really wish I could get that remaining $11.97 back.

You know what?

I kind of miss you guys. Just a little bit. That's all.

A bunch of super hero comics I bought in 2008, part 2

What kinds of crazy super heroic comic books could possibly make me come about my blogging hibernation? Well, I think its safe to say that we all know the answer to that one question, now don't we.

Secret Invasion # 1. Yes. It is true. I have just read Secret Invasion # 1 and now I'm gonna throw a bunch of hate all over it 'cause how we do when we do it. Where can we start on this? From what you heard (if you have not had the pleasure of reading it) its got all kinds of your typical Brian Michael Bendis speechifying in the word balloons. And of course, its completely foreign and alien to those who have not been following along this little ride that Marvel's Golden Boy has taken the Marvel U on. This things that people say are unfalse! You can't just pick up the Bible and start reading at Revelations, my friends! You gotta get on at Genesis and see how that shit rides.

Luckily, I'm one of those morons that starting reading this Marvel Bible at the beginning. I may have skipped a couple chapters of Numbers and Deuterononmy(sp?), but I got the main picture all mapped out in my head. Something has been amiss for awhile now and today is the day that we take a moment to sort this crap out.

Having read this first issue I have decided that this isn't a very good book. Why?

Bendis can't do melodramatic. He just can't. His forte is the half-assed comedic scripting that he culled from Aaron Sorkin's assorted TV dramas and faux-cheekiness of the WB's Tuesday night line up, with the "realistic" stutter of some guy named David Mamet. Its HBO Sopranos Cool disseminated through the likes Hank Pym and Luke Cage. Every character is smart and funny, except for those who TRY to be smart and funny, only to their own mid-fight embarassment. More often than not, it is pretty damn boring.

From the moment that Iron Man opens his stupid mouth on the first page, to the shocking reveal at the end, everything comes with a self-imposed weight that does not deliver in any kind of convincing manner whatsoever. When Tony Stark tells us readers that he's telling us the biggest secret there is in the world, the eyes only roll.

We've seen this all before. It was called Civil War and it had heroes fighting other heroes. Throwing in the added bonus that some of these heroes are really just aliens in disguise makes it a little more interesting. I just can't help but think that its a premise that is not in capable hands. And that feeling seems to permeate alot of what Marvel has been putting out the past two years. These are great ideas that I could do a million times better. And I'm a horrible writer.

But I'll be around until the end, if only to give me something to hate about.

Now the new All Star Superman # 10? That's a great book. Everything that Secret Invasion # 1 did wrong, All Star Superman # 10 did right. Each page is packed with something new. We aren't just flipping through a comic book about Superman, we're turning a new corner with him. Its all ground that we have traveled before. We just have a better guide than we did last time. We have a writer that is able to make us stop and look at everything differently. This is, without a doubt, a Superman tale that will be remembered for a long, long time by fans of both super hero and non-super hero genres.

But I'm feeling like you all knew that, right? Right.

A bunch of super hero comics I bought in 2008, part 1

Just got home early from school where I took an algebra test that I definitely did not do good on. Why? Because I'm part lazy slacker, part someone that gets sick and missed a night or two of class. Its funny, because I was making algebra my dirty little slizz-zut at the beginning of the semester until I somehow lost my way. Who would have thought that Spencer D. Carnage, Casual Marvel Comic Book Blogger, would ever be somewhat decent at trinomials? Its that "Solve for x and graph it out: 3x + 20 is greater than or equal to 9x - 2 + x" shit that gets me. And this is ELEMENTARY algebra we're talking about. What happens when you get into ADVANCED algebra? Does it compare to a newbie trying to jump head first in the murky, continuity-shark filled waters of the 2008 publishing schedule of mainstream superhero comics?

The answer to that question is perverse and often baffling.

Let's start with Uncanny X-men # 495, shall we? Yes. Yes we shall. Its been a long tiiiiiiiiiime since I've read an issue of Uncanny X-men. The last issue I read had Vulcan flying in space and taking way too long to disable some Shi'ar starships. It was one of those one-off issues that Brubaker seems to do so well with in Captain America. Unfortunately for my $2.99, it didn't quite work out for Vulcan as it did for Nomad so I stopped reading. From what I heard, that decision was a good one because that space shit was whatevs. Then the Messiah CompleX came along and I still kept my distance. Now that its over, I thought I would jump on with Uncanny X-men # 495.

If you want my two cents, Emma and Scott taking their post-crossover honeymoon in the Savage Land is exactly what an X-men comic needs to get me to jump back off.

Uh.......whatthefuckamIreading? The leader of the X-men and the White Queen running from dinosaurs while exchanging meaningful glances.













(That big long space is me folding my arms and shaking my head with disdain through my computer at the people who created this comic.)

That's okay, though. Bru wants to channel Chris Claremont at his worst, go for it. I'm good. As long as I have one more issue of Astonishing X-men left, I can wait six more months before I get my fix of X-goodness. I think you all know what I mean, right? Despite the wait, this last arc of Astonishing X-men is great. It got bumpy for a few moments there, but as soon as they got into space, it was all systems go. And if we have to wait six months to get that grand finale issue from Whedon, Cassady & Co., you won't hear me complain. It'll be a shame to see this creative team go, but it was worth the wait.

Next, I'm going to talk about Captain America # 34. In case you haven't heard, that's motherfuggin' Bucky under that new Cap costume, son! That's right! If you've been avoiding spoilers, you're prolly all jacked up with rage right now! You're thinking "What's the deal, Spencer? Normally you're all "OMG SPOILERZ!" when you're ruining the comics I haven't read. When that happens, I just leave and surf for pRonz on the interwubs. But this?! This is too much!!! Its so bad th-that........deep breath......I'M NEVER GOING TO READ YOUR BLOG EVER AGAIN."

That's okay, because I'll probably give up blogging after this post, so I think I can live with that.

So yeah. Bucky is Cap. And Cap is back. And Spencer? Spencer's yawning. Why is Spencer yawning? Spencer is yawning because it looks not much has changed in the world of Captain America. The Red Skull is still around.... Some of those new baddies like Dr. Faustus and Arnim Zola that were re-introduced 15 to 20 some odd issues ago are hanging on his arm... And the new Cap is sent out to take on AIM agents trying to steal money from Wall Street. Talk about a shitty ass debut. I get what's going on. Iron Man wants Cap-Bucky to start out slow. Stretch out the ol' chain mail before they throw him at some Skrulls. I get it. It was just a boring issue. The biggest threat in this issue was Sub-prime Mortgages. Sorry, friend, but I already faced that threat two years ago. I'm over getting my ass handed to me by Sub-Prime Mortgage Lenders. Its time for some new enemies to step up already. I've been gone a long time, but this makes me glad that I stayed away. Sorry, Jason. I tried. I really did.

Last but not least.... New Avengers Annual # 2. Yeah. Fuckin' Bendis. Figured I'd drop in and see what's up with that science experiment that I got going on with Bendis. Its the one where I remember how much I loved his Daredevil, Alias and early Powers and hope that he FINALLY ironed out the kinks in his more recent work. Not too mention, get a gauge for what's going in my beloved Marvel U seeing how he's one of the guys in charge.

Guess what, readers? Its still not good. Did I spoil that one, too? I figured I must be the last DECENT blogger who is still dipping their toes in that stagnating pool, so I guess its only fair that I share.

The book opens up with the Hood and crew going BACK to Tigra's place to get the Feminists and Tigra fans upset by having him punk her once again. Instead of beating the crap out of her and videotaping it in some kind of shitty fashion that ended with Bendis patting himself on the back at Newsarama for handling a scene like that with such class, she caves and gives up the goods without a fight. The goods that I'm talking about is the location of where the New Avengers are hiding. Can't blame her, because there is the Hood with a gun to her head again, but with like.....8 dudes in the shadows looking all scary.

Now that the Hood knows where the New Avengers are, he takes to their front door. He's not gonna punk out like Iron Man and bring in Brother Voodoo. Nah, he's just gonna jump into that faux looking run down building that used to belong to the Sorceror Supreme which will soon become a Starbucks and start punching around until he hits Wolverine in his Canadian face. But first?

Well, let's set the scene for those who haven't had the chance to waste their money on this issue. Before you storm into the good guys' hangout, you gotta pump everyone up. You know, cheerlead a little bit. But it ain't the kind of cheerleading it would expect from a team leader. No. This one involves everyones standing around like a bad ass, posing for their picture in the Official Marvel Handbook. After doing that for a few minutes, some numbnuts Thor villian can't stand the suspense. What's he gonna say? Naturally, it goes something like this:

Piledriver, the numbnuts Thor villian, stands there looking all bad azz with his arm crossed, as you can see by his decision to replace his standard villian costume shirt with a wife beater. Yeah, bro.... You fuckin' rip. You wanna punch some good guys? Good thing you wore that wife-beater, dude, 'cuz there's a bunch of super hero bitches in there that need to get bitch slapped.

Let's do this!

Piledriver says to the guy in charge(that's the Hood), "So What'cha Think, Hood?" See, Piledriver, he don't fuck around. He's thinking about how they're gonna stomp them Neg Reg heroes! He's fired UP! and ready to GO! Like the man said.....

So What'cha Think, Hood?

(anticipation)

(followed by more anticipation)

(its only seconds, but damn, I wanna crack heads so every second of anticipation just gets me more riled up, anticipation)

(god, the anticipation is killing, anticipation)

(fuck me, I wanna punch a Spider-man in his face, I'm so anticipating right now, anticipating anticipation)

(followed by more anticipation)

(what's that crazy new villian mastermind on the block gonna say, anticipation)

(in case you're wondering, the question is "So What'cha Think, Hood?" anticipation)

(....-tion)

Fuck it, here's the panel:



*blink, blink*

Fuck you, Bendis.

Don't waste my time with your shit anymore. I really don't give a shit what the Hood thinks about the music industry. The only thing worst than being a poor man's Aaron Sorkin is being the Comic Book version of a poor man's Aaron Sorkin. I want my heroes and villians to awesome. Not cheeky. AWESOME.

Is that too much?

Color me unsurprised because the rest of this comic was a big pile of crap. Like, all over. Just stupid. At one part Spidey swings in and takes Luke and Jessica's baby so he can get the baby to safety, but does so without really explaining why he's doing it, sending Luke into his typical Angry Black Guy routine that Bendis believes works so well for his character. More yawns.

---

Them are the super hero comics I bought and read. There was also Astro City: Dark Age # 4, but I haven't gotten to that one yet. Next, I'll ramble on about a few of the indie comics that I bought, like '76 and Pax Romana(which ruled). I totally forgot about Fell so that will have to wait. Set your RSS Feeds to Of Course, Yeah and it'll be like Christmas in March when I update this again.

Toodles!

Its not you, its me

Howdy. I'm thinking about buying comics again. Why? Because, dude! There's Skrulls everywhere!

Actually, that's not right. If anything, I'll probably stay far, far away from anything Skrull-related unless it involves the Immortal Iron Fist. Ok, that's not right either. Being me, I'll pick up the main series AT LEAST just to keep my hate rate going. But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

I'm here to talk about comics that I should be picking up. And I'm turning to you guys for some help. I'm looking at picking up 5 comics next weekend when I go to the comic shop and 1 trade. Which comics should those 5 comics + 1 trade be? Recommend me anything. I don't even care if its DC. If you say that the Trials Of Shazam is really good and you make your point convincing enough, I'll buy it. Ok, that's a lie. But if you push for Ennis's Dan Dare, you might have a new blogging buddy to talk about the next issue.

I'm looking for anything. Something new. If you're a semi-regular reader here, then you understand what I like and don't like. At least, enough for you to be some what on point what interests me. And maybe, just maybe, whatever you pick for me to buy, I'll blog about. No promises there just because I'm horrible at promising things, but if you suggest, then I should at least run my big mouth about it.

So list 5 single issues that came out in the past month or two and 1 trade and I'll narrow it down to what sounds good either by picking the titles randomly from a hat or putting up one of those polling things. Either way, I'm feeling that I need some comics back in my life so what better way for me to start by turning to you guys and girls for a suggestion. So comment away!

Marvel Solicitations for March

Well, since I'm here and Newsrama has the solicitations up for Marvel Comics that are coming out in March, I figured....what the fuck, huh? Let's take a look at a few that caught my eye for one reason or another..


Now what the hell is up with Hulk's hand around Iron Man's neck? I am a horrible artist and I can totally draw the Hulk choking Iron Man with more talent that Mr. Nord is showing here. Seriously, what the shit are we looking at?


That guy on the right is the Ultimate version of Stryfe, right? I bet you take off his mask and he looks all fuggin' bad azz like this:


Kirkman is the one writing this comic, right? So I'm not all that far off.




March is a bad month for Spider-man covers. And that's fucking Phil Jiminez and Tony Harris that you're looking at, being all shitty and what not.


This cover makes me want to go back and play some Rifts. You know, dust off my old Tattooed True Atlantean Glitter Boy pilot and take on some Coalition SAMAS in the radioactive ruins of Old Minnesota with nothing but a Juicer Merc and D-Bee Ley Line Walker backing my shit up. If roleplaying games have their say, the future is gonna be awesome. Know what I'm sayin'!?


So Captain Marvel is back and apparently Wolverine or D-Man are making an appearance in the last issue of a mini-series that I MIGHT try to convince a friend to buy so I can borrow it 12 months after the fact. Or should I just skip it altogether? Its hard to decide when it comes to CAPTAIN MARVEL.


Hitch sucks now. Proof? Ultimates Volume Two. This picture is probably the best I have seen of his FF work, but the rest of it is just one big ugly mess of realistic super hero crap.



Bagley, you traitorous son of a bitch! Not even an New Warriors cover before you leave? 'Tis heresy!


Anyone following this? Read the first issue and decided to wait for the trade. Is it good? Bad? Does it help you lure indie comic reading hipster girls into bed?


Have they revealed who Night Thrasher is yet? If so, please spoil it for me. Or at least spoil what the message boards are guessing who it is. Cuz in this picture, its looking like some jack ass of a honky and NOT my man, Dwayne Taylor.


Dude. Know why you're all sad, Nova? Because you're dicking around in space when you really should be back on Earth, banging a hot ass Atlantean babe named Namorita and giving Speedball noogies. But nooooooooooo..... someone had to go into space while the rest of the Warriors were playing grab ass with explosive villians in Connecticut, causing people like me to turn my back on comics forever(12-18 months tops!)...

Thanks a lot, Rich Ryder!

And that's all I got for right now. There are a bunch of other covers with X-men standing around all bad ass and She-Hulk punching stuff while her big ol' boobs make your mouth salivate. The usual.