House Of M # 8So here we are. In a world with no mutants. Now, Joe Q can say things like "You know, I think their has been too many mutants. Let's put the LID on mutants. Take it back to a day when they were feared and hunted. Now its EXCITING. Now the world of the X-Men is ASTONISHING. Now we can get things ready for them to come BACK. We can watch characters like RUSTY and SKIDS go through the long journey of regaining their powers. Hey, we can even bring Jean Grey back. You think they forgot the fact that we only killed Jean Grey a year and a half ago? Someone call Bendis."
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And of course they take out a few characters from New X-Men Academy. Big deal. And will, there is that one member of the original five X-men that lost his powers... Oh, and that other mutant, who hates all humans or something. But really, they should have took more chances. Instead of all of the Decimation books, we could the February previews look something like this...
COLOSSUS: DEEP UNDER COVER
WRITTEN BY: WARREN ELLIS
PENCIL BY: DARICK ROBERTSON
COVER BY: GREG LAND
Reeling from House Of M's reprecussions, Colossus is a mutant no more! How does the Russian deal with a world that no longer fears and hates him? Longing to be ostracized and in the middle of the action once again, Piotr Rasputin signs up for an experimental transformation process which will imbue him with superhuman strength. Instead of turning into metal...he has turns into a woman! With great tits!
Drafted by a newer, more rotten S.H.I.E.L.D., Piotr becomes a super spy who most use his he-she powers of seduction along with his combat experience to go deep undercover and fight, sleep, and smoke his way to the highest echelons of Russia's Red Room. And what Union Jack wants with this Russian bombshell super spy is anyones guess! To top it all off, Piotr has become the victim of the lewd sexual advances of Lenin's Ghost! Transgendered Super Hero Espionage Supernatural Action?! You saw it here first, True Believers.
32 PGS./T+ SUGGESTED FOR TEENS AND UP ...$2.50
BOBBY
WRITTEN BY: CHRIS CLAREMONT
PENCIL BY: ADRIAN ALPHONA
COVER BY: GREG LAND
What's a mutant to do once he loses his powers? Act! Bobby Drake, formely known as Iceman of the X-men, has moved to Los Angeles and now waits tables between rehearsals! Watch Bobby as he tries his best to hold down a job at a vegan Melrose Cafe, make it to acting class on time, network with other aspiring actors and actresses, and pay his cell phone bill!
5 months in LA with only a commercial and 2 line part in an independent film to his resume, Bobby is starting to feel the strain. But hopes are up as he's finally gotten himself a date with his co-worker, Jenna. After a dinner at the Electric Lotus and few drinks at the Beauty Bar, will Bobby be able to score? And what are all those whips and chains in Jenna's closet for...? Kind of makes you wonder if the Human Torch ever had it this bad.
32 PGS./T+ SUGGESTED FOR TEENS AND UP ...$2.50
DRACONIAN: MAN OF THE CLOTH
WRITTEN BY: J. D. Finn
PENCIL BY: GREG CAPULLO
COVER BY: GREG LAND
Robbed of his mutant powers, the X-Men known as Nightcrawler is now only Kurt Wagner. And he's pissed! Believing him to be renounced by God himself, Kurt embarks upon an unholy war against the Church. Armed with an armory that could take out an Army, Kurt starts his war in the Bible belt. Snake Handlers beware!
But his actions haven't gone unnoticed. Infuriated by his son's loss, Azazel seeks out Kurt to give him a second chance! Witness the first appearance of the Draconian, as he partakes in unholy communion only to become the most heavily armed half demon this side of Hades! This shit is fucking metal!
32 PGS./T+ SUGGESTED FOR TEENS AND UP ...$2.50
They write themselves. I swear. My only regret is that I don't have the time to make some photoshopped Greg Land covers.
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