Get Your Civil War On # 6

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NEXT: Is there trouble in paradise for Tony and his boy toy, Peter Parker? Doesn't everyone see that Tony's just trying to look out for the future?

PREVIOUS: Get Your Civil War On # 5

Get Your Civil War On # 5

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NEXT: Tony Stark? Still a dick.

PREVIOUS: Get Your Civil War On # 4

Get Your Civil War On # 4

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NEXT: Shots have been fired! A friend has fallen in battle! And Tony Stark, the billionaire industrialist, defends himself again against allegations of racism! Stay Tuned, True Believers!

PREVIOUS: Get Your Civil War On # 3

Get Your Civil War On # 3

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NEXT: Is this the real life? Is this fantasy? Caught in a Company-wide Crossover, no escape from reality...

PREVIOUS: Get Your Civil War On # 2

Get Your Civil War On # 2

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NEXT: Luke Cage calls Tony, and Storm and Black Panther's wedding

PREVIOUS: Get Your Civil War On # 1

Get Your Civil War On

With apologies to David Rees...

GET YOUR CIVIL WAR ON ! ! !

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NEXT: Cap calls out Tony for jacking all the good heroes.

Get Your Blog On

Yesterday, I bought some new comics. Today, I blog about them. Its like fate sometimes how these things work themselves out.

• Civil War: Casualities Of War
  "Remember that time when we were friends and now we're not? Yeah, me, too. Let's fight!"
  
  And that's how it goes. If Marvel was smart, they should have just filled this issue with reprints from some of those old issues that were referenced in this comic and made it into a trade. At $19.95 a pop, Captain America & Iron Man: That Time There Was Only One Set Of Footprints In The Sand Was Because That Was When I Was Carrying You would have flown off the shelves and into our hearts. If that trade played Andrew Gold's "Thank You For Being A Friend" while you read it, I am fairly certain that it would make Time Best Of 2006 Top Ten List. "and if you had a party...."



• Iron Man # 14
  "Being a super-villian sure is tough."
  
  I know, Tony. Why do you think guys like Dr. Doom, Leader, the Red Skull, Loki and the Absorbing Man are always so damn pissed off at you heroes when they come back from obscurity to take you on for what they wish was ONE LAST AND FINAL TIME? They want a return on their investment towards Evil! With repayment in full! + Interest! You hire a bunch of goons and build a bunch of robots, only to have your crime ring slash attempts at world domination foiled by some guy with a suit and goofy name that starts with noun and ends with the word "man" you too will find that life is tough and stressful. Its almost as if every superhero under the sun is out to get you! Buck up, old chum. The finish line is in sight and if what I am hearing is correct, your ass skips the trip to Disneyland and heads straight into the loving arms of a S.H.I.E.L.D. Heli-Carrier that is guaranteed to blow up within the first 6 issue arc. If that is not a victory, what is?



• New Avengers # 26
  "If you just wanted to sleep with me, you could have just asked. Using Chaos Magick created Kree Soldiers really sends the wrong kind of message, don't you agree?"
  
  Oh yes, I get it now! This is why its called NEW Avengers. Because its not like the OLD Avengers. If this was OLD Avengers the Mantis would show up to help the team fight Egghead & The Masters Of Evil while Jarvis serves tea. In NEW Avengers, we have things like trannie ninjas, superhero ramblings, and Hawkeye-And-Scarlet-Witch Make Up Sex. I'm sorry, did I spoil that for you? Oops.
  
  This issue is why a series like Marvel Comics Presents should be in circulation. No, not so we can have some story about the X-Factor era blue Beast accidentally running into a cyborg gang of ninja bots while he's on the way to the store. This isn't bad, but it doesn't belong in an Avengers book. Its belongs in Marvel Comics Presents, 8 pages at a time, on a bi-weekly schedule alongside a story of the Powerpack fighting a Mandroid at the Niagara Falls. Despite having the wrong title of the cover, Alex can still draw even if his line weight can be a little dead from time to time. I can guarantee that this issue will probably piss you off at some point or other.



• New Avengers: Illuminati # 1
  "Ok, why do I always get stuck carrying the crippled guy every time his wheelchair gets knocked over? Seriously, what's up with that?"
  
  The Illuminati is arguably one of the best contributions that Bendis has made to Marvel Comics. Its a nice spin on well established characters that is not completely out of character like some OTHER big name writers... As Carla says, it is pretty much just the A-Team of the 616. As for who is BA and who is Face, you can discuss that over at her wonderful site in the comments. Over here? We inarticulate our thoughts with great ease and work REAL jobs that do not involve bagging and boarding comic books on the daily basis!
  
  Ahem. I don't know about you guys, but I liked it. Sure, you could argue all these great minds would probaby be a little more careful when it comes to storming the Skrull gates, but what's wrong with a little goof up from time to time? Especially when it ends with Charles Xavier getting knocked on his ass. Ok, maybe not that last part. I really enjoyed the part where the Skrulls are rocking the torture stick on the members of the Illuminati, as their observations seemed on par with good comic book science. There was only one page that showed a confusing fight scene, which is down from the usual 3 to 4 pagesof confusing fight scenes that Bendis tends to write. Maybe Brian Reed is responsible for that, I can not say for sure. And Cheung, even though your anatomy seems to be a little off when compared with the heads of the characters you draw, I like your style. Definitely looking forward to the next issue. If you guys could some how throw in a reference to the X-Cutioner's Song, I will cyber-high 5 the lot of yous.

Blue Blazes!

Let's spoil some things for a moment, shall we? Marvel's Civil War: The Return:

I was hoping that this cover meant the return of Nova to the Marvel U. Considering that the 42 prison was in the Negative Zone, I had a feeling the end of Annihilation would put Richard Ryder square at the door step of Tony and Reed's new prison, causing all kinds of glee and warm, happy feelings.

Well, its not Nova. Yes, I know the star on Nova's helmet is different. I'm aware of this. I was just hoping that Marvel got it wrong. He'll be back soon enough, though. As for who it is, just take a look and figure it out. Who else with a star for a logo would totally blow your fanboy minds if they returned? You guessed right. I know, I know, but what about XYZ that caused Mystery Super Hero to disappear? Mystery Super Hero is back with the XYZ in full effect which I believe is the most interesting aspect of Mystery Super Hero's return.

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While trolling for Nova pics, I came across this post on the Bendis Board by Sean McKeever regarding a New Warriors pitch:

I pitched New Warriors two years ago but there was no interest. They wanted a high concept pitch with them as the equivalent of "child actors all grown up," and I wanted a serious ensemble drama that happened to also be an action-heavy superhero comic.(link via New Warriors Continuity Conundrum)

I do know that Marvel is still looking for this concept with a friend of a friend of a friend currently pitching it for the Power Pack. Essentially, its the Royal Tenenbaums meets the Marvel U. This same friend of a friend of a friend is also being prepped to possibly take over for Dan Slott on She-Hulk. He just needs a successful introductory project put out first before the transition is made and that Power Pack project could possibly be it. That or a mini featuring the Vulture.

While we're getting our spoiler on...

Cap knows Tigra's a spy. He's using her to feed false information to Tony!

Does that not just wet your whistle or what?

If Judd Winick had created Wonder Woman...

Instead of this:


She would look like this:

• Instead of hailing from the Amazon Island of Themyscira, she would come from the Dressing Room of a Strip Club.


• Instead of exuding power and love, she would exude perversion and lust.


• Instead of wearing a star spangled freedom inspiring bikini and tiara, she would be wearing black lingerie and too much make up.


• Instead of a lasso that forces those who become ensnared by it to tell the truth, she would wield a whip that paralyzes others by overloading the pleasure centers of their brain.


• Instead of being revlaunched by Allan Heinberg and Jodi Picoult, she would be relaunched by Jim Balent.


• Instead of fighting alongside the JLA, she would be trying to sleep with everyone in the DCU.

And yes, she would totally be into "da butt."

New Fantastic Four

Brian over at Again With The Comics posted an image for Fantastic Four # 544 which he found on Diamond's website. Unfortunately, Diamond wised up and removed it. Since Brian hotlinked, all he's got is a broken image. Thank the stars above for Spencer's detective skills combined with Wizard's inability to get with it. I bring ye spoilers..













For all of those who are paying attention....

Fantastic Four's new line up as depicted by Michael "Get that heroine a sandwich!" Turner!

Fantastic Four # 544

In the aftermath of Civil War comes Reconstruction, the beginning of a stunning new era! Rocked to its foundations by the events of the past several months, Reed and Sue plan a hiatus from the team to work out there marital problems, leaving Ben and Johnny to hold down the fort. But they won't be doing it alone, as two new members join the team - and you won't believe who they are! • 32 pg

(From Wizard's online store.)

This pretty much jives with what was said over at Mike Sterling's site right before issue # 1 of Civil War came out, except for the fact that Johnny is part of the team. While investigating, I tried to see if there was any other covers on Wizard's site that were left out of the solicitations, but I had no luck. Rich picked up the pre-Civil War # 1 spoiler last week, but What other kernels of knowledge is this Painted Doll dropping that we're missing. Once again, we turn to the comments over at Mike's site, which lead us....here. A post from "the_painted_doll" over at Rich Johnston's forum from September 26. Its interestingly vague, but it does a raise a question, when you consider that Rich, who probably knows more about Civil War than he lets on, has only recently reported something that was already picked up elsewhere.....exactly how much is Marvel paying you to keep you quiet, hmmm?

Ahh, its baby of his. Made him go all Eddie Murphy-soft on us.

EDIT: Apparently I'm not as savy as they say. Comic Book Resources reported the following:

Marvel Comics has just released the following image with a single question included, "Is this the new Fantastic Four?"
The image by Michael Turner features Johnny Storm (The Human Torch), Ben Grimm (The Thing), Storm and Black Panther and suggests that this is the new line-up for the team starting with March's "Fantastic Four" #544 following the conclusion of "Civil War," which tore apart the group. That issue is written by Dwayne McDuffie with art by Paul Pelletier.

I like stuff.

I'm a little slow today, so please forgive my lack of proper blogging enthusiasm. Last night, the band played at a sports bar a couple towns over for a very drunk crowd of 12 at a time when I'm usually yawning for sleep. Considering it was our first show in 3 months and at least 50% of the band was drunk, we did amazingly well and had an absolute blast. One thing to remember for next time is to NOT put my beverages in front of the bass drum because the long hair welding guitar player will kick them over. The night ended with an invite to play another sport's bar, this time in our hometown.

Secret Wars: Rocking your faces while you watch ESPN

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Wong! Rival Hydra Factions! Giant Santa Claus Hydra Robot Rampaging Through New York! A Fin Fang Foom Story That Doesn't Involve Stupid Jokes About Purple Pants!

Marvel making the holidays a little more merrier with this Newsarama preview for this year's Holiday Special...

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I downloaded some podcasts this weekend and I want to give a shout out to everyone's favorite "Ironic Age" blogger, Chris Sims of the ISB for giving us a short but sweet podcast. Two in fact. Could be a little longer in length, but they're fun nonetheless. Check them out.

To celebrate Chris's foray into podcasting, I offer up a picture of Captain America getting his face kicked by some guy named Joe:





In addition to Chris's podcast, I downloaded a few from Wordballoon as well. If you have not had the pleasure of listening to John Siuntres, please do so. He comes from radio and brings with him a very entertaining combination of comic book knowledge and class.

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My friend Ryan just let me borrow the American TPB by Mark Verheiden from Dark Horse and the Jonah Hex Showcase TPB. Leaving for work this morning, I think I made the unfortunate mistake of picking up the American instead of the Jonah Hex because after only a few pages, I feel as if I am going to choke on the late 80s/early 90s not-so-good Grim 'n Grittiness of it all. Help me out here, fellow bloggers and commenters. Should I continue? Is there anything in Verheiden's The American that would a fully involved read?

Yeah, probably not, huh.

The Good, The Bad, and The Links.

The Good!

Brian is celebrating his 100th post in the form of a gala with Modok and Doctor Mayavale as guests of honor. The only thing funnier than that is getting stuck in an elevator with the two. Go, read, click on some of the links and read some more. Brian's got nothing but love for comics and he Modok obsession runs strong.

The Bad!

Chris over at 2 Guys Buying Comics wusses out. After a year of rocking out with their cocks out, Two Guys calls its quits if only because its really down to just One Guy and he just doesn't love us anymore. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even love comics! Its bad enough to post intermittenly, but to give up on it all together? Bollocks! You ask me, I think Chris is giving up because of Civil War. Way to let a crappy company wide crossover beat ya down, bro. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!

The Links!

• The Playboy Townhouse courtesy of Meathaus. Peep that rotating Playboy Bed that has been "electronically turned on its 360-degree base to take full advantage of a romantic fire." Just one questions, though: where's a player gonna store all his long boxes?


• Jon Hex makes with the funny, detailing what it was like right BEFORE Grant Morrison came onboard. Its a question that we all know the answer to, but Jon makes it funny. Now, if only he could take the time and learn just a little bit about HTML...


• Totally, completely hilarious


• Natural forms!

And now a message from Captain America

(art by Spencer Carnage, photography by Verizon camera phone)

The last sensible person on Earth to read Chris Ware

This is great. Thanks to Boing Boing, who were pointing those amazing Chris Ware New Yorker Thanksgiving Covers, they also pointed out this absolutely hilarious cover for the Virginia Quarterly Review. My favorite is Coleridge on Opium, followed by the back and forth with Sterne and Johnson. That aside, I have never read any of Ware's stuff. I've seen the book on the racks. I went to the art show earlier this year. I've even expressed interest in reading his stuff, however I just never picked it up. My friend Tony has a book or two that I could easily borrow, but I just never got around to it. Any suggestions on where I should start?

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Check out some art from Lucy Knisley (pronounced "nigh-zlee"). Here comics are hilarious and her illustrations make me jealous. Why can't I be this good? Just because I only draw once every 4 months, why is that a reason that I can't bust like Lucy can bust? Regardless, this made me fall in love, only for the simple reason that if Lucy and I were take up a relationship that involved copulation, I could easily use excuses like "I can't help the fact that I'm stuck with extensive knowledge of the Marvel Universe crowding the parts of my brain that should be used for good!" when I forget things like anniversaries, birthdays, and what not.

And yes, this picture makes me jealous:


Huh. Me jealous of a girl for a reason that DOESN'T involve unfettered access to female breasts. Interesting.

---

Happy Tofurkey Day!

That's what I call funny. Despite how much you hate or love Civil War, let's just all take a deep breath and remember that its just a comic book. If it sucks, stop buying it and go read something that doesn't.

Thanks goes out to Carla at Snap Judgements for pointing this out. Her blog is a million times better than mine and her love for Marvel is strong.

Civil what?

Miss me? 'Cause I missed yoooooooouuuuuuu! Really, though. Not much in the way of serious and/or funny comic book discussion going on around here, because I am knee deep in writing essasys about DRM and psycho killers (ba-ba-ba-bah..ba-ba-bah, bah, bah...) so don't be getting all uppity on my ass, 'kay?

---

I went to the Secret Headquarters comic shop in Silverlake for Jordan Crane's art opening just before Halloween. Mr. Crane's art was just as great as the tiny little shop that showcased it (my first visit there). He's got a very simple, comic-strip style that explodes with enough added detail just when its needed. My favorites of the showcased work were two separate series: one involving a lone figure in peril (hanging out of a burning building or being thrown about in a cyclone) and another of women in various states of destructive despair. I think my appreciation for the last set had something to do for the love of a woman's tush, but I may be wrong. I did pick up a copy of his new floppy, Uptight, which was drawn very well, however, I'll be damned if I got anything from the story itself. Dang independent comic books....I also picked up his The Clouds Above from First Second Books which was a fun little read that could easily translate into a great 70s cartoon ala A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. If I ever become a bazillionaire, one of the many tax write offs that I'll kick around will be an animation studio just so things like The Clouds Above can make their way on to the Silver Screen like they rightfully should.

All in all, it was a good art show that was followed up by kick ass pumpkin carving at my good friend Jessica's house. Where her boyfriend was all "yo! check out this Spidey face I did!", I came out it like a true Avant Garde, utilizing the full power of the medium. The result?

The Spirit Of Vengeance himself, the Ghost Rider!
Do you feel bad for that time you picked up 7 issues of Youngblood # 1? That's because the Ghost Rider is giving you the penance stare, making you relive all the crappy things you do! Yes, I understand that this is soooooo last month, however, if Chris Sims can post about Christmas 4 months out of the year, I can give you a little belated Halloween love.

Little Known Fact About Spencer Carnage: That was the first time EVER that I carved a pumpkin. Self High Five!

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That guy who does that book about a guy called Scott Pilgrim has got me wishing that I had more money to spend on comics. Lately, I've been finding myself leaning more towards the artsy fartsy indie set, hence the reason I made my way out to see Jordan Crane's show. Looking at the Bodega site, I see things from various different companies like the Recidivist, 676 Apparitions of Killoffer, Frankenstein Now And Forever and Stacks that probably won't make their way into my loving arms anytime soon. Yes, that is a tear in my eye. Thank you for noticing. Until then, I'll go back and reread my Pulphope Ashcan and salivate over Paul Pope's pouty lips and ice cream cones.

Other Blogs That Died So That This Blog Could Live

The Dive/The Backroom/Lou's Joint/The Watering Hole/Generic Bar Name Goes Here

I was bartending for a few months last year and decided what the internet needed was a blog dedicated to superheroes and booze. Posts would include scans from comics that involve bar scenes, drinking, and Tony Stark. Also, there would be a weekly feature where a new drink would be introduced that was named after super heroes and their powers. Like most new, obscurely named cocktails, these drinks would be nothing more than variations on existing ones or simply staples that have been renamed to suit my blogging needs. From what I can remember, there was the Speedball, which was zodka, red bull and blue curacao with some sliced baby oranges floating in it, and the J.J. Jameson, a scotch and water. Clever, huh?


Best Pull Ever!

Just like Vh1's best week ever, but replace all those crappy comedians with folks like a cracker hating Falcon, a blinged out H.E.R.B.I.E., Ms. Marvel being all catty, and Starthief, talking about whatever came out that week. More of a web comic than a blog, really. Lots of potential for dumb ass comedic moments, however I don't read enough comics nor have enough time to photoshop the whole thing together. Plus, I'm probably not as funny as I think I am. Somewhere on my hard drive there is a rough script for a year end wrap up that I would LOVE to do at the end of '06, but I make no promises whatsoever.


KSPR World News

Just like the above blog idea, but instead of heroes and villians cracking wise on what happened that week, faux investigative journalism starring news reporters from the comics you love. Still snarky, but not so in your face about it. Just use some reporters from old comic panels and throw them in there with a microphone, reporting the top stories like the death of Bill Foster or the spotting of a naked Wolverine out in California. Its weird because its was way funny in my head until I just typed out this post.


Last, but not least...Forsooth, Rampage!

Since his death in Ragnarok, it was only natural that Thor would eventually be reincarnated and start a blog that focused on the rantings of fanboys online ALA Fanboy Rampage. I even started it up for a few days only to discover that not even Thor, the wielder of the mighty Mjolnir, was up for the task. Graeme should get paid lots of money for trolling around the message boards like he does. Personally, I think I went a little overboard with the Thor-isms. But then again, that was kind of point, I guess.


Uh huh.

Well, guys, its been swell talking with you all! See ya next time!

Mark Bagley and You!

Guess what happens when you use an Old Paypal account to buy Paul Pope art? Besides the obvious alliteration, it gets sent to an address you haven't lived at for over a year. I contacted Chris Pitzer at Adhouse with the vain hopes that he hadn't sent the art yet, but he's all punctual like it was cool and shit. Damn you Pitzer and your timeliness in taking my money and sending me the goods before I realized the snafu!

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In case you haven't read it, Rich Johnston spoils the new Ultimate Spider-man artist. Once again, Bendis snipes a great artist from the one writer he wishes he could he be. What is up with that? "Warren Ellis is king. Yoink, Mr McNiven! I'm really enjoying NextWave. Mine, mine, mine! All mine!" Who knows what kind of role Bendis has in all of this, but he can't be held completely unaccountable, that's for sure. Then again, I'm sure Stuart Immonnen was just DYING to work on a Spider-man book that tries in earnest to make things like Omega Red and the Clone Saga cool again.

The real important questions is....what's Mark Bagley going to do next? That's what I want to know. Speculations are...

New Avengers! Bagley excels at team books and putting him on a team book with Bendis is like that time you broke up with your significant other, but you stick around for the sex and holiday companionship. You know. Its nice and all but its not really what you want.

Fill in issues on Mighty Avengers! Considering that they put an artist who has no real experience with a monthly book, its a no brainer to have Bagley come in and pitch hit every few issues. The Kuberts had a whole school to ghost from and they still brought in the Bagster. That's Mark Bagley's new name, the Bagster! Mmmm, yeah....let's not call him that.

Astonishing X-men! This would never happen, but it would be funny to see the "Pssssh. The only Marvel book I read is Whedon and Cassady's Astonishing" crowd get all bent out of shape when their faux-high class X-men get instilled with some good ol' fashion comic book POW! SOCK! BOOM! into its pages. No, Bagley would be thrown into the X-men Ghetto of Adjectiveless. And yes, that would be a good thing.

New New Warriors! It would never happen, but if it did, it probably wouldn't involve Fabian because would throw some jackoff like Kirkman on it, causing me blog more than I really want to. I would have to commit bukkake in disgrace for not becoming a professional comic book writer in time to steal that gig out from under him. Bukkake is where you kill yourself like the samurai used to do, right?

Amazing Spider-man! Yeah....probably not.

Iron Man! I could see it happening, however Tony Stark is jerk and I would have to begrudgingly fall in love with his Republican Nazi ways just because he was rendered by Mark Bagley.

Fantastic Four! I read those issue and Bagley was good but the FF pretty much belong in the DCU. (Translation, they suck! Ha ha, DC! Take THAT!) And just like my sodas, I don't do Diet. (Oww! Burn!)

Runaways! With Whedon. Now that sounds like a solid book. Although the Runaways wouldn't look as young under Mark's pencils as they do now, he has the right kind of light, airy energy that would continue to fill the seats. And considered the book's ability to bring the nostalgia, especially with Whedon on board, we could see Bagley drawing lame ass villians like an Armadillo-Porcupine team up. You know, Spencer, you just might be on to something there...either this or that new Loners book.

And that's about it. Those are the only titles I could see Mark Bagley doing, with a couple of them being thrown there with a very flimsy MAYBE backing them up. After doing a zillion years of a solo book, I'm loathe to think they would put him on another solo book, especially considering that most of them, like Captain America, Daredevil, and the Punisher are too dark in tone for his style. Same with the current Thunderbolts. Regardless, whatever book he gets thrown on, ten bucks says the Mad Thinker shows up in the first 4 issues. Its practically a law that he shows up in any book that Mark Bagley helps launch.

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You see what I just did? I just cast a wide enough net so that when the time comes, I can get all up in your faces, bragging about my immense mental capacity for guessing things and predicting stuff. That's what why YOU turn to Spencer D. Carnage over at Of Course, Yeah! for all of your comic book blogging needs! He gets crap done! (Now with pictures!)

I write stuff so you can read it at work while shirking your obligations to your place of employment. Great, huh?

We have success, my friends. Not only did Blogger let me post a picture, but Spencer Carnage has also managed to purchase the debut album from the Annuals, Be He Me, for a grandoise price of $10.71 from Salzer's in Ventura, California. Yes, I got it on sale because I'm a smart shopper with impeccable style and taste. Here's a little run down of the events that transpired in my travels:

Days spent looking for the CD: 4
Stores that I went to before I found it: 10
Actual number of independent record stores that I went to: 3
Profanities muttered while driving in traffic to and fro: 19
Friends that I turned on to the Annuals last week: 3
Number of those same friends that were turned on to the Annuals because they heard it while they were stoned: 2
Vegan dishes that I ingested during the course of my pursuit: 4 (Mary's Secret Garden in Ventura is pure delight!)
Times I contemplated putting up a mock Craig's List singles ad in hopes of trading full use of my sexual faculties(females only, please!) for an unopened copy: 6
Packs of cigarettes needlessly sucked down to kick start my coping mechanism: 9
Time spent in my local comic shop trying to fill the empty void in my heart: 45 minutes

When I found the CD at Salzer's, I almost grabbed the nearest person to me(which was the male cashier) and almost kissed them. For some weird, brief second, I had felt like I walked into some cheesy teenage movie and I was fulfilling some minor subplot, second only to me getting the girl. However, I didn't kiss anyone and girls are yucky things that I only tolerate for superficial reasons so that feeling faded fast. Ok, I tolerate you ladies for non-superficial reasons, too, but its a small pie slice on the large pie graph that I use to chart our run ins with each other.

- Don't be dumb like, Spencer! Buy it online at Ace Fu Record's website! While you're at it, listen to the free mp3s!

The Authority # 1

The Authority never show up in Grant Morrison and Gene Ha's The Authority # 1. I'm sorry, did I just spoil that for you? Sorry. OMG! SPOILERZ! Yeah, those super heroes on the cover? They are not in the book. They do not show up, they do not punch bad guys, they do not cause property damage and they do not spout your typical mean-SOB-with-a-heart-of-gold lines that Warren Ellis made them do so well. I'm sure they will at some point, but not right now.

Right now, Grant Morrison takes on the human instead of the superhuman. The opening salvo brings us into the suspense and intrigue of a struggle in a submarine with unknown assailants, only to drop us off into what could be just another breakfast in another broken home. A husband with obligations that keep him away from his home life tries to comfort his subsequently distant wife, only for her to reject his attempts in one of the most chilling 3 panels sequences I've read in awhile. Panel one, contact is made. Panel two, contact is rejected as our distant wife moves away. Gene Ha's use of a blurred image is aces right here. Panel 3, the gulf of separation that exists between this married couple is reaffirmed. The lighting darkens and its curtains for this marriage. As the issue wraps up with a submarine trip that leds to the discovery of the Authority's Carrier, Gene Ha and co. deliver an amazing job that rivals John Cassady's superior usage of negative space in Planetary. Coming from the bright 4 color worlds of Top Ten, Gene Ha is flexing his artistic muscle in creating a dark, moody atmosphere that is perfect for this issue.

On a precursory glance, this issue is decompressed, reads too fast, and lacks the sufficient amount of action to be considered a superhero comic book. With a more indepth look, its rich in human drama and layered with suspense. The usual bag of "overloaded with ideas" that permeates Morrison's work is no where to be seen, undoubtably ready to burst forth in the second issue. As slow as the rhythm in this book is, it is done intentionally. Most of this issue involves a real life situation that comes of as dullish and boring. And the underwater submarine trip is stagnant of atmosphere, which I imagine any submarine trip would be like. Unless there was an octopus involved, of course. In the case of this first issue, it all provides a necessary build up for the impact of the Authority's arrival.

In true Grant Morrison form, there is a breach in the fourth wall. The whole concept of this run is built upon the idea of what our world would be like if superhumans like the Authority would show up. However, we are not the people sitting inside the submersible craft staring out at the enormously huge Carrier, wondering what's going to happen next. There is no hand from the protagonist sticking out, asking us for help or trying to identify with our worlds. No. In Morrison's Authority, we are the adolescent power fantasy underneath that black face mask, harnessing the power of sun, with sentient nano-technology covering our skin, and but a thought a way from turning nuclear arsenals into stacks of the March issue of Rolling Stone from 1981. Instead of making the heroes' world more like ours, Grant Morrison wants to make us the heroes and then throw us up against the real world.

- Gene Ha Talks Authority @ News@rama.com

- Buy this at a comic shop near you!

I'll take the Mutant power of bringing 2-D images to life now, please, thank you!

Thank you, Heidi. Because of her, I now own a fancy pants limited print (+ 24 page ashcan) by Paul Pope. Shit is hot!

Oww! Who needs girls when they make comics like these? Go buy stuff!

I H8 U CORPORATE AMERICA

Why can't I find the new Annuals CD anywhere? Does it not exist? Has it magically disappeared into limbo, suffering in purgatory forever and ever? What of my purgatory? Why must I be denied what is probably one of the most talked about debut CDs of 2006?

To put it nicely, Corporate Music Chains are ruining my miserable little life right now. Its like trying to find a copy of Kupperman's Tales Designed To Thrizzle at my local comic shop. They tried to order it to no avail. And now, my OTHER obsession, has proved to be quite just as frustrating. I could have stolen it online in a move that is partially responsible for the lack of the mom and pop music store in the general vicinity. Tower Records would of had it in stock, but they've been bought out, with all their assets being moved in a liquidating sale that makes navigating the aisles a wee bit nauseating. There's the whole online routine, but damn it, its nice to walk into a store with specific items consciously floating around the brain and walk out with that Prince CD that was subconsciously staking my buying habits out.

Annuals debut album, Be He Me, was set to be released to the world at large on October 17th, 2006. Spencer D. Carnage journeyed forth to find this CD, buy it, and listen the fuck out to it. Starting this trek at high noon, he found himself wandering through the automatic doors of Best Buy just down the street from his hamlet of employment. Passing by the Raptures, TV On The Radios, and Between The Buried And Mes, it was only minutes before a painful realization was made: That shit ain't here, son. With his resolve high, the young knight pressed onward. Next stop, Borders. In this literary land of book nerds and magazine aficionados, he casually made note of the ever shrinking section devoted to the graphic novella and headed upstairs. "Do you have the Annuals CD?" Met with rejection, he wondered back down and back on to his mighty stead, the UnCivic. With only 25 minutes to finish histask, he sped on over to Fry's. Things were starting to look desperate. Fighting off the dizzying spell that uber-huge electronic stores seem to have on those inside their walls, it was with great luck that the Gods Above did not instil our protagonist with a huge, muscular frame because he was within seconds of choke slamming the closest thing resembling a manager while uttering a blood curdling scream of "WHY!?" as loud as humanly possible. Defeated, Spencer Carnage made his way back to work.

With work over(and that idiotic attempt at framing this story in a manner befit for Dungeon Masters), I rushed over to the Wherehouse back in Simi Valley where I live. "Its not Tower, but its better than Best Buy." Right? That's a logical assumption, correct? Every store I had visited on my lunch break all had copies of Arcade Fire and Animal Collective, two bands that are well within the genre that the Annuals thrive in. Wherehouse has GOT to have this CD. Uh uh. Next, we try another Borders. Nope, still no luck. With band practice only an hour away, my options are limited. But wait! Remember when I couldn't find the new Broken Social Scene in the Best Buy in Oxnard, but found crap loads at the Best Buy in Thousand Oaks?! Guess where I went next? And guess who didn't have it?

At this time, I'm a defeated man, stylishly smoking a cigarette underneath a street light in the Best Buy parking lot in hopes of showing the world my pain... MY FRUSTRATION. While driving home in blind rage at Corporate America's inability to provide me with one CD, I actually uttered the words "My Kingdom for a CD!" Tony had called me while I was driving to my last chance attempt at being a consumer for the day, inviting me over for vegetarian chili dogs. Let me tell you, if Tony and his wife Lyssa invite you over for food, you go. At Tony and Lyssa's house, your french fries come with its own little cup of ketchup. Any where else, they give you a squeeze bottle that you have to pass around the table like you were at Denny's. I'm guessing that they're vegetarian chili dog jamboree came complete with some fancy, homemade salad I ain't never seen before, lots of cheese, and a free beer. All that and you get to dance with their 2 year old daughter Reilly to songs about choo choo trains! Do you see the madness that overtook me on my quest for this CD?

At this point, I'm ready to start calling Urban Outfitters to see if they got it. That's just desperate. According to their website, they're all about Tv On The Radio, but I'm sorry, BRO, I don't want to Return To Cookie Mountain, I wanna Be He Me. And while we're at it, I'll pass on the Future Sexy Sounds and the Anti-Antis, but I might, I MIGHT be tempted to pick up the new Rapture if its playing over your loud speakers and gets my toe tapping while I look at jackets that will raise my Douchebaggery Rating by 2 points. But do they even have it in your store? Apparently not, but I'm hoping that this is some fly under the radar shit that got thrown in the box with their Junior Boys and whatever else they need to restock ytheir shelves with. I'd just drive my ass out to Amoeba after work if I wasn't in Psychology class tonight trying to find a way to classify and catalogue this newfound obsession with Annuals. At the earliest, I'll have a cure for this fever by Thursday. However, if you see the headline "Amoeba Vs. An Angry Ginger. Next time, just buy online" on Fark.com on Friday morning, you can start calling dibs on my comic book collection, which includes the seminal runs of New Warriors 1-25 and Phantom Guard 1-6.

My original intent was pretty this post with covers from selected Marvel Annuals so that the rest of you that don't care for the trivial matters of my non-comic book buying life could have something to look at, but Blogger doesn't want to let me do things like that on this computer

Its like a message board post, minus the animated GIF of some wobbly boobs

Time for me to weigh in some things, because really, that's what this whole blogging is about: Cramming my idiotic opinions down your throat, you sexy comic blogging reading bunch, you!

Warren Ellis on Thunderbolts!

First thoughts? Wait for the trade. Actually, wait for the reviews. Taking a dip in DC's pool of ideas, Marvel gives us a book that Thunderbolts was practically made for. Psychotic Marvel Villians being utilized in a Suicide Squad-esque fashion as they take on superheroes gone rogue and other villians is great fodder for four color entertainment. If there ever was a writer that was perfectly suited for the premise, its definitely Warren Ellis. Although Warren is an immensely talented writer, his dialogue for mean SOBs is a bag tricks that I've seen and grown tired of. I doubt his work on Thunderbolts will do anything to change my superior opinions on all of that. And Deodato? Do you people really think he's that good? Really?

And good ol' Fabian.....well, at least he gets to finish up his plot lines with a mini-series focusing on Zemo, but that's it for him and the T-Bolts. I'm a bit new to the series, thanks to the Civil War Tie-ins that I enjoyed and I was looking forward to picking up the back issues along with adding it to my pull(whenever I get back on that train), but what can you do. Thankfully he's still on Cable & Deadpool which I really, really like. Yes, I too can't believe I just blogged that out loud.

New Wildcats preview

This is beautiful. Grant Morrison captures perfectly what the Wildstorm universe was about before his arrival and gives us a great glimpse into what's to come next. I simply can not wait. Wildcats started off as an X-men cover band that went through a few member changes, all to no avail. I like the idea that Morrison is going to take it back to its roots, derivative as they may be, all while including Joe Casey's recent attempt at it, and simply do it better. And his concept for Authority is just as great. Taking the Elephant out of the Wildstorm Room and putting it in the real world of today gives the rest of the Wildstorm U room to breathe.

(awkward silence)

Why does my mind work like this?

It would have been nice if he threw in some of the b-list heroes that cameoed(sp?) in Sleeper on that last panel of the two page spread. Once again, why does my mind work this way? Please submit your answers to the comments section below, thank you.

Yes, that's all I really have to say about anything new going on in comics. Great, huh?

---

What's else is going on guys? How you been? I know, I know, you missed me and my nancy boy shenanigans. We missed you, too. I finally listened to the podcast from AboutHeroes.com with Chris from 2 Guys Reading Comics. Chris is his usual intelligent, funny self with 7 other people, some with some smart things to say, others not so much. What's with the guy who says he's going to stop buying comics because he didn't like Civil War # whatever?
You're actually going to let a crappy comic keep you from enjoying other comics that are good? If I could have called in when I heard that, I would have.

Someone please put me on a podcast with this guy so I can tell him that yes, what you just said is idiotic and the tongue lashing I'm about to give you is on that you've probably should have received during childhood because that is where those foolish notions belong. You, the speaker, are probably a fine, upstanding young gentleman, but what you just said is grounds for a smack across the face with a glove. You sound like a dumb ass. If Ford makes a crappy car, do you stop driving? If Pizza Hut puts out a pizza that you don't like, do you stop eating altogether? If someone says something that you don't like to hear do you give up on communicating with other people? The anonymity of the internet allows for you to say some pretty stupid shit. Through the use of an online persona, you can openly tell the world that you secretly fantasize about sleeping with the teleporting Inhuman dog, Lockjaw, without any fear of reprisal from family, friends and the local comic store you shop at because you're just another BatHombre0918xx to us. You can't do that in real life. You could, but please.....don't. Just quietly step away from the comic books and we'll let you leave with your dignity intact. Its that simple.

Here's a meme I can get behind!

Oh god! Oh yes! Oh, I think I'm going to make in my pants! Brandon.... from.... Random Panels.... God, how I could kiss you right now..... Thank you...... Thank you so, so, so, so much.... And now..... introducing....

THE BEST MEME EVER THAT ALMOST NEVER WAS!*

Creating your own super heroes using the Hero Machine

Through the powers of Internet Wizardry, I give you...


Alias: Unknown
Base Of Operations: Sunset Strip, Hollywood, CA
Known Affiliations: The Whiskey, The Roxy, Lila Cheney, Strong Guy, Motley Crue, Poison, Nuff Znuff, Spider-man, Dazzler, Scaggs the telepathic Chipmunk, Iron Fist
First Appearance: It Came From Beyond !!! Vol 1 # 1, 1986

Powers:Cosmic Air Guitar - Gifted with two alien rings which, when worn by a user who is air guitaring, can create nearly impenetrable force fields, shoot cosmic blasts, allow the wearer to see throw walls, and instill the feelings of excitement in others. The rings allow Du Dare Broh to create other instruments such as drums and bass, but Du Dare Broh has yet to utilize those instruments because they get you less 'tang.
Natural Charisma - Du Dare Broh's natural charisma allows him to sweet talk chicks of all alien races with remarkable ability.
Scaggs, the Telepathic Chipmunk - Du Dare Broh's companion, Scaggs the Telepathic Chipmunk allows for Du Dare to use him as another set of eyes. A spy of sorts. The distance in which they can communicate telepathically has not been determined, but Scaggs has surmised that it only allows for up to ten miles in range.

Brief History:
Raised on the Planet !!!, Du Dare Broh enjoyed his professional life of Cosmic Air Guitar Centurion when his was accidentally zapped by a mysterious beam of energy. Traveling light years across the universe, he appeared in a flash of brilliant, bright light in the middle of a Motley Crue show. At the very same moment of Du Dare Broh's appearance, a rival glam band, Wargasm, had hired Axemaster, super villian with a vibranium guitar "axe" to take out Motley Crue. Thanks to Du Dare Broh's timely intervention, the Axemaster was defeated and Wargasm's plans to kill the Crue where exposed, leading to their prompt arrest. An instant hit in the hair metal scene of LA, Du Dare Broh quickly made many friends and as well as a few enemies. While saving the Capitol Records building from the Mauler, Du Dare Broh befriended Scaggs, an alien chipmunk with telepathic powers, who helped him defeat the rampaging villian. Both strangers in a strange new land, they became fast friends and continue to act as protectors of the Sunset trip.

---

I dare you all to rival his awesomeness.

* I say "almost never was" because he posted it awhile ago and almost faded into oblivion until my laziness at work helped to unearth it.

Brill Busted?

A quick click over to everyone's favorite blog, Brill Building, by Ian Brill and you will find this:


Well, what happened? Where'd Ian go? RSS feeder Bloglines comes to the rescue:


Looks like "Emma Jones" hacked his site and turned it into a spam link dump, causing Ian to go offline until he fixes it. Here's to hoping that's sooner than later. Even though Ian updates less than I do, when he does, its comic blogging gold.

Get well soon, Ian!

EDIT: Ok, I'm an idiot. Ian Brill Blogs on here, however my current internet browser only shows a blank screen. The source shows that something is there, but I can't see it.

I know. Talk about an exciting day of blogging over here.

Serial Dino-Loving!

I'm just about done with this really excellent and amazing book called Mind Hunter by John Douglas. Well, who is that, you ask? He started motherfuggin' FBI profiling, you ill informed blog reader! The reading of Mind Hunter is a prerequisite for my Psychology Class that our teacher, Mrs. Something Or Other, decided we need to learn about the warped minds of serial killers as taught by John Douglas. And Mr. Douglas, you have taught me well.

So well, that I already have half of my friends pegged for potential rapists, murderors, and perverts. Yes, its true. I grew up with a couple of demented fucks that are one "stressor" away from being the next Monte Rissell. Hell, put me into an small, crappy apartment that I would share with a girlfriend that I am unhappy with and surprise me with some kind of financial crisis right around Christmas time, and I too could make it into the minor league of serial killing psychopaths. Its just that simple! Considering the history of failed relationships that has brought untold amounts of mysoginistic hate and crippling grief coupled with the fact that I'm a financial loser, its a wonder I haven't freaked at all! The day I buy a VW bus, run for the hills! In all seriousness, I might be considered one of the better off, more well adjusted of my group of friends. And really, that's just all kinds of wrong.

Thank you, John Douglas, for pointing these facts out to me. Your book is awesome, even if you have me convinced that I'm 3 steps away from going psycho. Imagine what would have happened if I got the book on Autism instead?

---

Time for some completely unrelated philosophical Dino-Humor!

Crisis On Dino Earth!

My dino-heart empathsizes, T-Rex...

Take that, Feminism!

Choose your own adventure! Part Dos!

I think I'm sorta gay for that big ol' T-Rex...

This On-Again, Off-Again business is fuckin' with my heart

I've done yet another horrible thing. Yes, you remember the last time I did something horrible? It was along the lines of

I
HAVE
DECIDED
THAT I NEED TO
PICK UP EVERY
CIVIL WAR
TIE-IN

which really wasn't that bad of a choice, considering that Heroes For Hire was pretty entertaining and I have rediscovered my love for all things Fabian Nicieza. The only bad thing about that decision was anything with JMS's name on it. However, the horrible thing I have done this time is not

I
HAVE
DECIDED
THAT I NEED TO
PICK UP EVERY
CIVIL WAR
TIE-IN
or even anywhere along the lines. What I have done is pretty much in the realm of:

I
HAVE
STOPPED
BUYING
COMICS

I know, I know, that's almost like saying

I
AM
COMPLETELY
CRAZY

Ok, now I'm starting to sound like Chris Sims. But anyhoo... I have made this decision based upon the fact that there things out there that I want to possess or need to pay off, including(but not limited to) a new guitar amp, the band van, a root canal I under went whilst uninsured, and maybe some Henna tattoos, and god damn it, how am I going to have money for things like this when I'm dropping 2.95 to 4.95 a pop on comic books? Its not going to happen! I tried cutting back my pull list, but it just manages to morph back into the monster that it currently is. So that's it. I'm done. I'm out. Next time you see me with a comic, it'll be all beat up and on loan from the Library. When my friend Tony told me about the American Flagg trade he just got from the Library, I realized that the solution to being an active CONSUMER was becoming an active BORROWER. Let's not forget that my good friend Ryan still buys way too many comics and trades on the weekly basis so I'll be pillaging his collection on the irregular basis.

In light of these recent developments, the real question must be asked: What of the comic book blogging? Will somebody PLEASE think about the comic book blogging? I've never been all that good, and when I was, it involved me getting molested by a Flash comic. At this point, you're already used to the infrequency and lack of real content, so we'll just go from "dude that you call every now and then to hang out" to "dude you occassionally see around at the local bar with some tramp on his arm." It'll be nice when we run into each other, but really, I'm just another dude with a 'tude that you probably need crashing on your floor at 3:30 in the morning. Its for your own good.

---

Yes, they've fixed that whole Dragonhead incident, just before I could proposition TPop CS Rep with cyber-sexiness. Now I gotta troll chat rooms like everybody else. Weak. Ok, so I'm not completely GONE from buying comics. I just might stop at Borders or the LCS and pick up a thing or two every now and then, that's it!

---

Are you not listening to the Annuals yet? Because you're crazy if you're not. I mean, they're called the Annuals. That's just nerdical enough for you all to jump on it for its name alone. The full length album drops on October 18th. Get in the know, bro!

---

One last thing to all y'all: Chill out. They're just comics. Joe Quesada is an idiot, yes, but really, do we even care because we care or do we care because it gives us things to complain about and that's what really makes us tick, complaining about comics? Sorry, but your bitching is getting in the way of my comic blog enjoyment.

I will shut up now.

Is reading The Invisibles at your cubicle at work, grounds for sexual harassment?

Ok, so there is no post about Spider-man as the everyday hero and why you're not escaping hard enough simply because I can't be hassled to scan a bunch of pictures from the Longshot trade. Yes, that's what the post was about; Longshot. Basically, it was going to espouse upon the action movie hero X-man with luck powers that was dug by all the chicks and looked like David Bowie from The Labryinth. It was light and fun and full of sarcasm, but all in all, a colossal waste of time when it comes to scanning. Reading the trade was a waste of time as well. Talking about it now? Wasting my time.

---

You know what is really, really good that I haven't heard anyone really talking about? The Exterminators. I'm throwing my hat into the ring of people that like, no, LOVE The Exterminators. For $10 a pop, you will get 5 solid issues of grossed out weirdness that will have you remembering the hey day of Vertigo's comics. Considering this is Simon Oliver's first writing gig, its is absolutely astounding how amazing and captivating this book is. Sprinkle a lit bit of Tony Moore on top of all of it and you have one happy Spencer. Let's not forget all those other people with names that I can't remember right now for inking, coloring, lettering and editing that fine book.

Buy the book, ride it twice, and go back and pick up the monthlies. Good comics like this deserve your $. Let's not forget the podcast from those good boys over at Comic Geek Speak which really is what sold me on The Exterminators. For reasons not worth explaining, I'm in a position right now that doesn't no allow me to get the direct link to the podcast and I may even have the actual address for the Comic Geek Speak website wrong. If so, get off your lazy ass and Google it.

---

This might be wrong of me to say, but I didn't really enjoy the new All Star Superman all that much. It was good, it just wasn't for me. Luthor is an interesting as villians can be and Morrison and Quietly did such a bang up job on showing us what makes their Luthor tick, but something just didn't quite stick with me. I felt like I was just passing some time and yes, that double page spread with stairs was a lovely touch, reminding us all of how great Quitely and Morrison can be, however it just came down to an "Ok" issue when everything was said and done. Unlike most of the bloggers out there, I am a not a huge DC fan so maybe my genetics were at fault as why I could not appreciate it as much as the rest of you did. Then again, the first three issues(And only the first three. # 4 didn't strike me as anything astounding, simply because Jimmy Olsen didn't seem like Jimmy Olsen to me so much as he seemed like some kind of glorified nerd-turned-superstar.) were great. Maybe its a matter of just not being the best comic I read this past weekend.

---

What comic is that? Carey and Bachalo's X-men # 190. Yeah, that was like, um......wow. When I think about that issue, the faux-critic in me wants to say things like "hyper-kinetic", "visually striking", "alluringly compelling", and "this is how X-men comics should be: uber explosively good." Marvel, you can write that on the back of the trade dress if you want, just so long as you credit it to the "Redheaded Adonis." Its a motley bunch of X-characters running around, either beating up or getting beat on, and quite frankly, that's how it should be. The mysterious villian that we know only that "is neither human nor mutant" is a tired bit, but impressions on that can definitely change once we find out more.

Of all three X-men books out there right now, Mike Carey is on the top. Brubaker's X-men has promise, but is starting to look like a glove that doesn't quite fit. And Whedon's run is so completely mired in nostalgia that its almost masturbatory, with only the parts involving S.W.O.R.D. standing out. If only Carey would stay, but it wouldn't be an X-men book if there already was changings in the wind such...

And are those rumors of there going to be only two X-men team books with Millar and Brubaker at the helm true at all? Speaking of which, who is/are the new X-men editor(s)? Could it be the same two writers? Let's just hope they put Bachalo on a decent book when they cancel his title.

---

While you're contemplating that last little bit of possible rumor mongering, go listen to some Annuals. The track "Brother" will rock your face off.

A post where many things are talked about, but nothing is really said at all

Awhile back we spoke and I was going on about how I was going to be out of commission for awhile and that you could find me interrupting any and all conversation about about man-hating over at Ragnell's Written World by espousing upon the wonder of Power Girl's biggems in manner like such:

"Y'all should be lucky we let you have big boobs in our little boys club!"

However, there's been little penis envy(Just kidding!) over there as of late, so I figured I'd get my run-on sentence.......on.

---

First off, I can blog. Last time I posted, I was under the impression that the jobbie job had managed to curtail it and decided to lament that loss by posting a picture of Speedball's cat. A few days latter, I found me a workaround and my semi-hilarious hi jinxs could continue. Whilst working up a post about the Mad Thinker's appearance in New Warriors # 3, I discovered I can't post pictures. And really, what's a blog post without pictures? That's like a comic without word balloons! GI Joe # 21 I am not. The homefront sports Dial Up which I've been working on fixing for quite some time, but I put a hippy in charge of that months ago and we're STILL waiting 5 minutes to get a dial tone.

Now that I can blog, what is there to blog about? Ah, the eternal question. Some would(and have) said, "blog about what you love!" however my feelings are a promiscuious mistress with many lovers to its bosom that if we were oblige them all, it would be a blog about ADD. Then again, that's not really all that different from the format, now is it. Some of the subjects that have crossed my mind as of late are really just fanfic in nature and really, what is fanfic if it doesn't involve some slash in there some where. Why bore you with my ramblings of why we need to cut the crap with all this temporally displaced mutants still hanging around the X-Universe and how these characters from the far flung future are still tying us to the past, making it hard for us as X-men readers to move on, if that fanficish rambling doesn't involve some mutant-on-mutant love between Cable and Bishop? And I don't know if I have those kind of stones for that. Hear, let's give it a shot:

"It just so hard sometimes," Cable said with a soft tear coming down from his one remaining human eye. Looking at the picture of his father, Scott Summers, with the women who his own mother was cloned from, Jean Grey, together on their wedding day was heart wrenching. From a war torn future that may come to be, Nathan Summers had endured many injuries in his life time. The scars remained, but what of those injuries of which would never heal? What of his own broken heart? "Being from the future, its almost as if I'm not allowed to cry. I'm not allowed to show my emotions. Almost as if they've been outlawed much like mutants have in The Days Of Future Past."
"Don't worry, my temporarily displaced friend," Bishop said as he clutched Cable's shoulder pad. "Although we come from a time much more complicated than the one we live in now, where we battled day in and day out, its still ok for us to cry from time to time. No one understands the lives we have lived but you and I, Cable."
"I'm a raging ball of mutant emotion..." Cable whimpered as he turned and hugged his fellow X-man.
"Its ok, Askani-son" said Bishop as he embraced his fellow X-men. "Let me absorb your sadness."

See? Don't you want more? Reading Cable and Bishop slash is like cyber jocking in the not-so-distant future! You get so addicted that you can't unplug and when you do, its only because there's an AI that's taken a liking that strange and fascinating piece of data that some punk traded to you for some good ICE and the AI's goons are at your door and its time to RUN, RUN, RUN. All idiotic metaphors aside, how could I turn down the responsibility that has been thrust into my hands?

I'm sorry folks, but I can't write that Bishop and Cable slash. And what I can write, which amounts to nothing more than a 4 issue pitch about how we finally can rid of Cable, Bishop, and Rachel Summers for once and for all(don't worry, one of them lives on in the Exiles, jumping from What If? to What If?) and move on, you don't want to read it. You need to get your perv on somewhere else.

The other things that I want to blog about require my amateurish photoshop skills and right now, I'm either too lazy or too busy. U Decide!

I'm a blogging mess right now, but onward and upward we go!

---

Whose pissed about Dragon Head going online exclusive!? Well, who isn't really.....but whose ALSO pissed? Me, I guess, but not really, but yeah I kind of am. Purchasing them online isn't THAT big of a hassle. And it really is ok that my money is not going to my local comic book shop. Its quite alright that I get to miss out on that little bit of conversation that I have with the local comic shop over the new Dragon Head, a book THEY turned me on to. Maybe Tokyo Pop has a customer service Bot that can hopefully supplement the whole process that goes into buying Dragon Head:

SpencerDidYrMom: What's up, man. How you doing?
TPop CS Rep: I'M GREAT, THANK YOU FOR ASKING. HOW MAY I ASSIST YOU TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: The new Dragon Head is out? Hells yeah, bro. I want it!
TPop CS Rep: THAT'LL BE $9.95 PLUS $1.95 FOR SHIPPING AND HANDLING. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: Nah, I'm kewl, I guess. Did you hear about what Mark Millar said this week on his message board? Talk about lame.
TPop CS Rep: GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOUR PURCHASE. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: You don't have that Exterminators do you?
TPop CS Rep: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO RECOMMEND SOME OF OUR OTHER TITLES? MAYBE SORCEROR HUNTERS? OR HOW ABOUT NECK AND NECK? I HEAR ITS QUITE GOOD.
SpencerDidYrMom: Hey, wait a second. This isn't a comic shop. Why am I talking to a smarty-arty computer that thinks its a person? I hate smarty-arty computers that think they're people!
TPop CS Rep: IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom: Can you provide me with intimate knowledge of your products in addition to the witty banter that I come to expect from local comic shop?
TPop CS Rep: GLAD YOU ENJOYED YOUR PURCHASE. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH TODAY?
SpencerDidYrMom signed off
TPop CS Rep: THANK YOU AND HAVE A GREAT DAY :)

As awesome as that sounds, it will never compare to the time when my favorite LCS Employee, Darron, accidentally slipped up and called me a "homo" instead of "homeboy" in front of his boss and two lesbians. Sorry, Tokyo Pop, but this one gets a thumbs DOWN from me.

Despite all that bitching, Yes, I'll still buy Dragon Head online, because DUDE, THEY'RE ON THE SURFACE AND EVERYTHING IS CRAZY!!!?!

---

The Spider Jerusalem Award for the best blurb in journalism. I'm sure this was linked somewhere, probably on Warren Ellis's home page, but I don't want to get fired from my job, so I don't check his page out all that much. Oh, and I'm still a little pissed about your high and mighty Apparat line that didn't do much for generating interest in non-superhero comics other than you just complaining the same old complaint we've all heard before. Yes, it sucks that Nurse comics used to be all the rage way back when, but writing an essay about it in the back of your 4 crime/action/cellphone-diatribe-comics doesn't really do much for trying to change the fact that Nurse comics aren't all the rage today.

Speaking of technology, everyone needs to stop saying "Internets" when you're referring to the Internet. Its not funny nor clever and really, you sound like my dad trying to say "nizzle" except you don't look like Robin Williams.

---

How have you been spending your Civil War Ceasefire?

Sure, there's the few tie-in books coming out which aren't all that bad, but really, tie-in or no, there's a whole in your heart that can only be filled by Civil War # 4. How have you filled it?

Me, I went back and reread Street Angel. Wow. That is one fine piece of comic book goodness. Its got everything! Ninja Revisionist History! Skateboarding! Globe Dominating Mad Scientists! Blaxploitation! Dumpster Diving! An eating contest between a squid and a 12 year old kid! My favorite was when the scene in issue one where she takes out all the ninjas on the top floor of Dr. Pangea's lair only to finish the scene up with a panel of Street Angel standing over the dead bodies, thinking "Where's my shoe?" Take what is a staple in action comics of the lone, triumphant warrior, bloodied and bruised, but not beaten, standing over a cadre of dead *insert your favorite henchmen type here* and turn it on its head by adding that little thought balloon.....pure genius. Street Angel is a comic that will have your co-workers looking at you sideways with your answer to their "So what are you reading?" question.

Also, I just read the Dark Phoenix saga in TPB form. As a dedicated Marvel fan, its almost sacrilege that I have never sat myself down and read this piece of Marvel History. Most of what I know about the Marvel U comes from roleplaying. Pouring over sourcebooks, rule manuals and OHTMU styled character books has provided me with a lot of second hand knowledge. Over the years, I've put faces to names and climatic battles to character history texts. Now I understand fully the importance of the Phoenix and what she did to the X-men. I knew Jean Grey had some crazy ass powers and even read the subsequent reappearance of the Phoenix as of late. I understand how powerful her Shift Y flight is and how far across the universe it can take her, but I never quite witnessed until I saw her open up a space warp with sheer will power alone. The humanity of the situation was known to me, but I never felt it until I saw the Recorder seeking some kind of answers from the Watcher as to the nature of the moral dilemma the X-men faced in those final moments.

In essence, I am complete.

Oh, I finally read Animal Man: Origin Of The Species and Flex Mentallo too. The first was good, but no where are good as Flex. Yeah, that was fantastic. Thanks for making me feel stupid for reading super hero comics, Grant, ya big jerk!

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Other than that, I'm a little spent. If we're lucky, we'll get a little posting on this weekend that debunks that whole "Spider-man is the everyman hero that allows me to escape from the horrors of the world by pretending I'm him with his problems AND his powers" myth. Essentially, you're not escaping hard enough.