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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

DC February 2006 Solications

I couldn't resist, but don't worry. I just picked out the highlights of the month. Enjoy!

This cover just says that you can have a guy in red and blue tights with a cape who is holding up a tank while flying, and all everyone wants to do is look at Wonder Woman's breasts.

Illusions, Michael. Tricks are what whores do for money.

Holy Shoulder Missles, Superman! What will Grant Morrison think of next?! And look at that alternate cover by....Ed Benes? Wait a second, there's no All Star Superman coming out this month!? Fuck!!!

If Ed McGuinness had become a clown, his balloon animals would have brought joy to kids all over the world, garnering him international acclaim and success. He opted to draw comic books instead.

Three things we learned from this cover:

  1. Don't fuck with Supergirl. She can knock Superman's concrete like kryptonite teeth out with one punch.
  2. Batman deals with rampaging Kryptonians by dancing. Badly.
  3. Wonder Woman is still lame.

Earth-2 Lois Lane wants Superboy's wang.

There has to be some kind of term that describes the level of perversity that this picture involves, but K-Box isn't returning my emails.

There was a joke about horny fanboys giving new meaning to the word "solo" utilizing this altered cover, but considering that this was the first thing I thought of when I first saw the original, the joke's pretty much on me.

Somewhere on the east coast, Beaucoup Kevin is touching himself right now.

I want to say that this story involves inter-planetary slavers that capture the Teen Titans and sells them to a alien named Brodius(that likes to wear board shorts and hates it when people stare at his "not so good eye") who makes the Titans act out episodes of "My So Called Life" Cirque Soleil style. I'm probably wrong, though.

"Whose your most disliked Backstreet boy!"

Just as Flash was about to SpeedForce Cabbage Patch his way into victory at the 48294th Annual Apokolips Zero-G Dance Off, his ear exploded from the high air pressure, assuring yet another win for Wonder Woman.

What is supposed to be some Golden Age Supes vs. the Emo Crybaby Supes action, just looks like a cock and balls with a choad that can punch the hell out of anything.

That Hal Jordan sure is a man's man.

Howard Chaykin is a pervert. Go read Black Kiss and find out for yourself.

Ahh.. Isn't Bat-kitty just so dang cute?


Kevin Church said...

I am not touching myself over the puppy.

I am making love to myself over Dozer's lovably retarded gaze.

(Verification Code: IHGDRB - I hate (the) god-damned Red Bee?)

Spencer Carnage said...

I wonder what happens that issue. Does he stuff time bombs into little puppies and give them the enemy as a sign of peace? I'm so confused.

Kevin Church said...


thekelvingreen said...

I really want Wonder Woman to just shrug off that tank and smack Superman around a bit.

Who knew? DC's ridiculous treatment of the character has not only made me interested in Wonder Woman, but actually become her biggest fan. Kick him in the nuts, Diana! Before Geoff Johns has you rapekilled by Deathstroke!

Spencer Carnage said...

I never saw the interest in Wonder Woman, but I must say that I'm definitely ok with her doing something rash like killing Max Lord. It seems to fit her Amazonian nature.